11–16 of 16 posts
My five year old could hike next a cliff because he understood that when dad said "keep two feet away" that I was serious, had his best interest at heart, and his compliance would lead to better things.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
And then your child is not going to do something only because if not, punishment come. And they will still do it, if they can get away with it. Punishment never work on the long run.
> And then your child is not going to do something only because if not, punishment come. And they will still do it, if they can get away with it. Punishment never work on the long run. Punishment definitely works in the long run. That's what society is based on.
Punishment should come after reinforcement - but with equal consistency.
In my experience, the key to success in shaping a child's behavior, as in most things, is advance preparation and programming ones own behavior before problems occur.
Before problems start, involve children playfully in every aspect of family life, from chores to recreation, as soon as they can participate and to the extent they are able. Use praise and positive reinforcement for any contribution the children make to family business. Make them feel like active members of Team Family.
In my experience, small children want more than anything to feel like part of Team Family. If a child does something counterproductive or destructive, that is the time to take the author's advice and replace positive reinforcement with graciousness.
My experience is that children who have been treated to a constant flow of positive reinforcement will be more upset by even a temporary cessation of that flow that by any punishment, and will do anything to get back to membership in good standing of Team Family.
I find it astounding that scientists have found that positive reinforcement is the only reliable way to shape long-term behavior constructively, in both humans and animals, in experiments going back to the 1930's, but people refuse to believe the results, so scientists keep finding new ways to run the experiments, and get the same results.
I committed to using only positive reinforcement techniques with my own child, and I was delighted but not surprised by their effectiveness. My biggest surprise was when my child started using positive reinforcement on me. Which in my mind validates the linked post author's assertion that the biggest influence on children's behavior is the parent's own.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Children really do thrive on boundaries, and sometimes the only way to establish those is with force (take their hand and make them clean it up) or other punishments.
And then your child is not going to do something only because if not, punishment come. And they will still do it, if they can get away with it. Punishment never work on the long run.
What I don't like about article like these, is they never say when is enough, enough. If my 15 year old is still dumping milk on the floor and laughing surely the "Model Graciousness" phase has ended. Also not covered is what makes "a spoiled brat". In my experience, both as a child and adult, it seems the "spoiled brats" are the children that have little to no boundaries and are allowed to do whatever they want even…
Children really do thrive on boundaries, and sometimes the only way to establish those is with force (take their hand and make them clean it up) or other punishments.