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Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

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Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#11

Post by arolihas »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #8
arolihas wrote: post #3

As a fellow 23 year old Indian American who grew up in the tri-state area this hit way too close to home. I like to think I learned a lot of the lessons you’ve eschewed during my time in grad school right now but I caught myself sleuthing on your github and LinkedIn and feeling that familiar sense of envy. Some habits are hard to break I guess.

> but I caught myself sleuthing on your github and LinkedIn and feeling that familiar sense of envy He works at AWS? Is that considered particularly impressive to be envious over? Sure he went to Hopkins but that's not atypical in the Princeton area. I'd imagine for most of his peers from high school he's considered a disappointment for working at "only" AWS, they're probably all ML Engineers at FB or Google or Two S…

If you’re pathetic like me I guess. I only work at IBM on a bunch of Salesforce bullshit, so I find working on AI at AWS to be pretty impressive. Trust me I know there’s tiers to this stuff as someone who hasn’t passed interviews at Google and Citadel.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#12

Post by sweetheart »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

I mean this with only compassion and a deep sense of empathy - you should consider therapy if you aren’t already going. What you’re describing sounds like Hell, and my first thought is that life doesn’t need to be that way for anyone. You are a source of immense value to the world, and if you don’t agree, it just means you can’t see what others can yet.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#13

Post by holtkam2 »

Dude, thank you for writing this. I had the exact same thing when I got my first full time job and I thought it was a unique problem. You made me feel way less crazy. I’m pretty much over it now, and like you, I had to set some new goals / ambitions to find a new “path” now that all my college ambitions had been achieved.

Learning to meditate was also a game changer. I do it every day before work. Also, talking to a therapist helped me realize I had been being way too hard on myself for too long. Learning to take pride in my accomplishments was another critical factor.

I hope a lot of people see your blog post. Thanks again for putting that together!

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#14

Post by mStreamTeam »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

I picked up coding at the age of 22 as a hobby and now am a tech lead at a green energy company.

I don't make as much money as my hyper competetive peers. But I feel like the work I do matters a lot more. And I never felt this stress about under performing.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#15

Post by rconti »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

I didn't realize anyone (who cares about company 'status') considered Amazon to be lower-status than Facebook or Google. I mean, hell, it comes after F and before G in FAANG :)

At the very least, Amazon is probably considered to have better ethics than Facebook, if that helps.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#16

Post by seibelj »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

You are 24 and work at amazon (I assume in engineering) and you think others consider you a disappointment? I honestly think you need therapy, you have some major self esteem issues. Part of being an adult is not caring what others think, you need to be happy for yourself.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#17

Post by agumonkey »

mStreamTeam wrote: post #14
lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

I picked up coding at the age of 22 as a hobby and now am a tech lead at a green energy company. I don't make as much money as my hyper competetive peers. But I feel like the work I do matters a lot more. And I never felt this stress about under performing.

if you accept, send me your company name, I talk with a bunch of people interested in green energy and coding in general.

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#18

Post by agumonkey »

blobbers wrote: post #2

There's not much here. He decided to compete against himself and made a list of self-improvement items? He complained about being directionless yet had some clear choices he could make. Cat? Grad School? Girlfriend? Sounds like this person needs a role-model and a mentor.

important question actually, how important is having a mentor for how much of the young people population ?

I'm fairly certain that 6 months with a mentor would have altered my life to unbelievable levels (not difficult since I flirted with rock bottom ;)

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#19

Post by rconti »

Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want.

It's not an easy transition, from one of having your identity and goals shaped by others (family), and being released into a world where you define your own identity and goals.

Maybe you'll be happy with your achievement graduating from a good college, and use that education to do satisfactory work and earn a satisfactory living, and pursue your passions and hobbies.

Maybe you'll never be satisfied and will continue to work your way up the ladder, and die as a CEO working all day every day at 80.

Neither one is 'wrong', but it's up to you to define what you want and what makes you happy. And not just choosing things that will make you happy, but choosing to be happy with your choices.

You might envy the F/G engineer in a lie-flat bed. You might even be right (I flew business class internationally once, it was amazing). But still, they have a choice -- are they happy with what their striving has gotten them, or are they staying up the whole flight working on the next project to achieve the next promotion that they imagine will bring fleeting happiness, until they choose a new goal, making them again unhappy with the promotion they just achieved?

Re: Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

#20

Post by j4nt4b »

lowiqengineer wrote: post #10

I had my first quarter life crisis at 18, when I came to grips with the fact that I had accomplished nothing in my life so far, as evidenced by my lack of good college admissions - I graduated only 2nd in my class with just a 1500 SAT, which isn't good enough for top schools. Unlike OP, however, it was less of an aimless drift and more of an aggressive, angry depression. Had another one at 20, when I realized that no…

Please don't hate yourself. Do you think the lie-flat seats bring joy? Do you know the plane's destination? In this example, I'd rather be the guy who skipped the airport and went fishing. If anything, you have a head start on understanding this. The others may feel as you do when they're 30, 40, 50 or older, and feel tremendous heartache for wasted time. There is a ceiling everybody reaches in competition, and the billionaires want you to exhaust yourself finding it while working for them. Don't be afraid to question everything. You're young, and your 20s are more or less designed for brain development and tough lessons. But if you use this time to take a step back, your life could become heaven. I'm glad you reached out.
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