Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#11

Post by tzs » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 10:43 AM UTC

If you have any doubt about this, resolve it before you have kids with your significant other.

Your SO is (presumably) an adult who is in a voluntary relationship with you and knew your personality before getting serious with you.

Kids, on the other hand, don't get to chose their parents. Don't make 'em unless you've got the time and ability to be a parent to them.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#12

Post by mesuvash » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 11:50 AM UTC

Well i think you need to adjust your routine. I think both startup and relationship are equally important and you have to manage accordingly. Relationship stands on top of understanding and i think you both should understand each other. If your girl understands you and you do the same then i dont think it wont be any problem.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#13

Post by vamsee » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 12:18 PM UTC

I had to choose, and though in retrospect it would've never worked long-term, I still regret that I told her that my work is more important than her. The relationship was never the same after that, and I wish I had the wits to hold my tongue. Ah, some things, you learn the hard way :). My advice would be this: let them choose. If you still like that person, just maintain that stance.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#14

Post by triviatise » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 12:59 PM UTC

During the .com days I worked day and night. I worked through christmas, thanksgiving, new years and valentines day of 99 and 2000. I was engaged, but between that and all the travel I had to do, my relationship didnt last. At that time I made an explicit decision to sacrifice everything for work. These days I wouldn't make that tradeoff but my wife also knows I can easily work 18 hour days for weeks (or travel) and is willing to deal with it because we have a nice life (she doesn't have to work). Even when I don't work that much I'm usually reading from the time I get home until I go to sleep so she is used to not getting attention all the time.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#15

Post by [deleted] » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 1:07 PM UTC

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#16

Post by milan_cvejic » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 1:07 PM UTC

The only right thing is to choose yourself.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#17

Post by motxilo » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 1:20 PM UTC

lvh wrote: post #5

Startup.

But, why? The OP would've posted a poll if he'd wanted one-word answers.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#18

Post by runjake » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 3:08 PM UTC

I regularly neglect my side projects for my wife & kids, so I guess my SO. I don't regret a second of it, either.

It would probably be different if I were younger and just dating.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#19

Post by staunch » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 3:51 PM UTC

I'd choose my wife if I really had to. Fortunately I've been able to make it work pretty well. I spend almost all my non-startup time with her, which is why it works I think.

Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?

#20

Post by haploid » Tue, Apr 05, 2011, 4:03 PM UTC

This is a question that usually resolves itself.

If your SO went into a relationship with someone who he/she knew was extremely passionate about building things, and they somehow expected this to "change", they are delusional, dishonest, or both.

Did you really want to spend the rest of your life with a delusional, dishonest, controlling individual anyway?

Yeah, didn't think so. In this event, you move on and find someone who doesn't try to hamstring your dreams and crush your soul. They do exist, and your life will be richer for it.