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How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

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Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#11

Post by sparker72678 »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

This isn't a lie in the way we'd typically talk about lies. It isn't meant to deceive. It's a myth.

As a child grows and discovers that there isn't really a monster in the sea, are they going to resent their parents when they understand the explanation?

I think that's the difference here.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#12

Post by TheAdamAndChe »

laretluval wrote: post #10
dwohnitmok wrote: post #2

The article seems fairly problematic. https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/b0so4h/how_... EDIT: Well this is proving to be a pretty wild ride. As far as I can tell both this post and its replies (by TheAdamAndChe and ebg13) are getting voted down, which is very surprising to me (I would've expected either/or not both). That leads me to believe there's something wrong with my link. Does HN know something a…

I think your downvotes are entirely because you used the word “problematic” which some people feel is often used to shut down debate. A shame, because your link pretty convincingly shows that the article’s claims about the Inuit are simply false.

dwohnitmok in response to your edit, I agree this is the issue. Your link was fantastic and adds to the conversation.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#13

Post by sekai »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

You mean like how we lie about Santa Claus?

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#14

Post by cosinetau »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

I suppose you'd count the exclamation of pain after strike that a parent asked their child make against the parent as a lie, too.

But, then I would know for sure you have missed the point.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#15

Post by rovolo »

dwohnitmok wrote: post #2

The article seems fairly problematic. https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/b0so4h/how_... EDIT: Well this is proving to be a pretty wild ride. As far as I can tell both this post and its replies (by TheAdamAndChe and ebg13) are getting voted down, which is very surprising to me (I would've expected either/or not both). That leads me to believe there's something wrong with my link. Does HN know something a…

Any discussion of parenting and Native peoples needs to include the context of the Indian Residential Schools. The state (Canada and the US) would force Native children to attend boarding schools with restricted parental visitation rights (legally compulsory in Canada 1894-1948, and de-facto compulsory for the 20 years before and after). The schools would punish the children for 'acting Native' (wearing traditional clothing, not speaking english, etc). It was a program of forced cultural assimilation (sometimes called 'cultural genocide') which was supported by saying that Native parents were bad influences on their children.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Indian_residential_sc...

Any attempt to remove Native children from their parents needs to acknowledge the use of children by the government to attempt to wipe out Native culture. Around a quarter of Native children were removed from their homes in the US by child protective services and permanently placed in non-Native homes. This was such an issue that the Indian Child Welfare act requires that Native tribes and Native family have the first opportunity to claim custodianship over Native children removed from the home.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Child_Welfare_Act

So for the comment you link to, I have the following objections:

- Native people were raised in government schools (until 1970) which used corporal punishment regularly. They're criticizing parenting styles which the government taught parents as kids.

- Canada and the US have a long history of removing lots of kids from Native parents. Of course Native leaders are going to care about CPS rules

- The SSC guy is completely ignoring how shitty White Canadians have treated Native people when he compares abuse rates between Inuit and "Western" (White) populations. This reeks of a long history of calling Native people "savage".

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#16

Post by darkerside »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

It's just reverse Santa Claus.

Besides, I think of education as a series of increasingly small lies anyway. If you can get the kids to model correct behavior, you're just helping them visualize success. Is it a self delusion to visualize success for yourself? Maybe, but so what?

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#17

Post by darkerside »

sparker72678 wrote: post #11
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

This isn't a lie in the way we'd typically talk about lies. It isn't meant to deceive. It's a myth. As a child grows and discovers that there isn't really a monster in the sea, are they going to resent their parents when they understand the explanation? I think that's the difference here.

Reminds me of Luke and Obi Wan. What the parents are saying is true, from a certain point of view.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#18

Post by oh_sigh »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

Do you not let your children read fiction books, since they are just filled with lies that the author imagined? Your comment about 'never lying' sounds like you take it to almost a pathological level.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#19

Post by dwohnitmok »

TheAdamAndChe wrote: post #12
laretluval wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your downvotes are entirely because you used the word “problematic” which some people feel is often used to shut down debate. A shame, because your link pretty convincingly shows that the article’s claims about the Inuit are simply false.

dwohnitmok in response to your edit, I agree this is the issue. Your link was fantastic and adds to the conversation.

But you're getting voted down too! (Maybe not anymore?) And ebg13 is getting absolutely destroyed.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#20

Post by X6S1x6Okd1st »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

Humans are really bad at estimating certain kinds of dangers.

Invisible and slow acting dangers are consistently under-estimated, immediate & physical dangers are recognized easily.

Teaching a very young kid that even if they are warm right now (especially inside, before going outside, or in the sun) that they still need to keep their hat on because they might lose it or not put it on correctly when it becomes cold and cold can kill.

Cold is invisible, it's not immediate. Replacing it with a captivating story about a mythical monster that will come and get you should serve to stay in their mind better & they might even enjoy hearing about it.

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