I am in the same boat. 6 months ago, I quit my job because the management and engineering team I worked with were extremely difficult to work with. I had poured my heart out in the company. Grew the team from 1 to 6 developers. Worked extreme long hours because I enjoyed building the product.
I knew I didn't want to code after that. I enrolled in an online business management program. Joined a two people company as an intern two weeks ago. I am finally getting excited about building something new from scratch and I am learning quite a lot at the same time.
Take a break and spend time doing the things you love. You are extremely smart and aware about the problems you face. Learn that thing you always wanted to learn. You might get disinterested and may want to quit it but it's very important to keep at it.
If you join a team, I would advise you to join a small team with less or no politics.
Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
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Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#12I think the only answer here is to stop clinging onto this 'life' you have. The optimism you're seeking comes from looking forward to today, right now. Right here, right now. Everything is the present moment. If you do not find yourself in the present moment - this could be due to the weight of money, weight of the future, weight of obligations - then abandon it all. You don't need anything. Just reclaim the time tha…
I did throw everything away. I walked away from ~$10M, so this isn't the problem. To live in the present moment one has to unsee the cant. That's the difficult part. How to keep the mind from focusing on all the bullshit that it can't unsee. The burnout, the disillusionment, the politics, the faded friendships. That's what's hard.
I get what you mean. It's hard to let go of these realities we see. I see it all the time in my corp. And I am convinced, too, that it's hard to do fun/interesting things in technology. It honestly baffles me at times, how we just throw away our time so recklessly, so soullessly. We spend years and years in some place, and eventually all that we used to have dissolves. No more friendships, community, family, everything is just ulterior motives.
Instead of seeing what did happen, let's look at what may happen again. Maybe you find it hard to start coding again for you enjoy the collaboration part the most, and yet you imagine most people willing to rip your spine out for some money instead of making something cool for this time we have left.
Maybe it's fear of embracing the unknown. The reason people are in the golden handcuffs is because they always want to hold onto tomorrow - a tomorrow that may never come. And it's easy to forget we all disappear from this place someday. Money helps forget that. But the unknown is where the excitement is.
Either way, I think instead of ignoring those 'cants' one may want to instead avoid them at all costs. I can see why they seem like a reality, and because it often does become a reality. People are so vile, greedy, self-centered - even ourselves at times. The best way out is to forget all the incidentals of making a company. Maybe you can try doing bootstrapped stuff, so VCs don't exploit you.
I believe the spark can only alight through forgetting all of the larger goals. If you push yourself away from the premise of making money - maybe doing open source software - then you can avoid these people that prop up this disillusionment.
The cynicism you'll have to struggle with is finding the people worth the time. I have the same trouble. It's extremely hard. Only through a willing heart can you find those people that don't just want your money. We're going to be alone a lot, so it's about finding what makes you fine with the silence.
And most importantly, a long, long break from everything will help you find your flow again. Most of your day is sunk into another job, and it's hard to make sense of anything when most of your time is spent elsewhere.
These are just my conclusions. And to not appear like I'm all talk, I am in the same situation. I haven't even opened my work laptop today. I just don't care anymore. I'm looking forward to being fired.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#13You need to think about the motivations behind all of the parties you’re interacting with. Why did those investors give you money? Because they, and possible their LPs (their bosses effectively) wanted to make more money with their money. That’s it. That’s their whole job. Had you known this, you wouldn’t have been surprised when they acted how they did in order to return any capital possible once it was clear they were not making a return.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#14Is technology the reason to wake in the morning, or is it curiosity that drives you?
Technology is a great place to find something new and interesting. And hey, there's lots of money to be made, and hopefully you've done well already. But curiosity can be for anything. Step away from technology. Find people doing things you don't understand, but look interesting. Try planting something. Read about history, archeology, psychology, philosophy. Visit museums. Technology and your relationship with it is like staying too long with someone you were in love with. Only over time can you rekindle the friendship, but for now your post is screaming out that you need space.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#15The complaints are human behavior rather than technology, or the culture around it. There are places that are better than others, but you're going to encounter self interest and "dilbertesque" behavior everywhere.
Personally, I view learning to deal with work is an emotional skill you have to develop. Even if you get a job doing math all day in a research position, you need to be ready for the usual academic politics problems.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#16Been there. Still slightly am. It's tough. Expand your hobbies and invest in them as you have tech. See where it ends up. It(s) kind-of work(ed/ing) for me.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#17You may enjoy listening to Jonathan Coulton's Solid State. It's a magnificent album about someone similarly disillusioned with tech. The album is uploaded on YouTube, but this was the teaser that he uploaded before the album release. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvVNxqosZ7s
Really enjoyed this - thank you for sharing
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#18I am not sure what's wrong with you and why you are happy but unhappy?! but if I would have to guess - it's most likely antidepressants/therapy. There is new "you" but you miss old "you". Brain chemistry is no joke and if you don't absolutely absolutely need medication don't do it. Ask good doctors for second, third and fourth opinions if needed.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#19Count the I-s in your text. Why would you want to program for yourself if you are already happy and mentally engaged otherwise? You will want to build something once you find a problem that you can solve for somebody else.
Or think of a product that you want all by yourself that is not available right now. Use programming to make it real.
Re: Extremely disillusioned with technology. Please help
#20You need to think about the motivations behind all of the parties you’re interacting with. Why did those investors give you money? Because they, and possible their LPs (their bosses effectively) wanted to make more money with their money. That’s it. That’s their whole job. Had you known this, you wouldn’t have been surprised when they acted how they did in order to return any capital possible once it was clear they w…
I was somewhat concerned when OP mentioned having lost "friends" over their failed company. This can either mean they got their friends to invest money (which is risky precisely because those usually would not be professional investors), or they considered their professional investors "friends".