Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm happy to deal with emergencies 1-2 year. Things go wrong sometimes. It's never become the norm where I've worked. So I don't really have advice for that.
The reason is that tech leadership is doing what I described. Making clear to involved stakeholders that this is not normal and can't be expected every time. As parent commenter has seen, it doesn't happen automatically.
Maybe I screen out those jobs in my searches. Or they screen me out :)
My bigger point is that there are many different SW engineering worlds even in SV. You, and everyone you know, may be in the one you describe.
But there are other and better ones out here. One caveat: You may have to "level up" to join some of them.