Earlier quoted context omitted.
You have to share values with someone to be their friend?
To form a long-lasting friendship, you need at least some common ground to touch on.
Shared interest and mutual respect is different than shared values
Career advice for people with bad luck
11–20 of 511 posts
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#12> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…
It's a bit like that with every friend that you make. Most people lose contact with firends they made in school. Even family ties seems to be not that strong after all. It's all a matter of context.
That being said, what do you actully expect when spending time with work peers? It's supposed to be just relax after work. If it does not "spark joy" then just don't do it. If it does, then do not expect any other value. Friendship is not about how much you can get from others.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#13> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…
Been working 3 months at my first job and this realization hit me. I enjoy spending time with my coworkers but is it all in vain?
No, not in vain. If you enjoy it, it's for enjoyment. Just don't think they are your close friends. They are working with you and are nice to you because it's more enjoyable for everyone involved. Be nice to them too, but just don't expect big favors.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#14Retention offers: yeah. I've been given retention offers twice, and the second time round I explicitly said "I don't want money, I want you to change the way this team and product is managed, like the previous times we discussed this, but that's not going to happen, is it?"
I ended up getting much more money, less responsibility, a nicer less open plan office, and a less dysfunctional process.
Risk: yes, sometimes you just have to go full Light Brigade and charge the guns. Generally the worst possible consequence is you lose your job and everyone forgets it, but be aware that sometimes the consequences are worse and your chances of landing on your feet depend on your privilege level. You have no right to judge people who don't do this.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#15Finally, a post that isn't all hunky dory. I'm at the bottom quartile at the moment, so I'm happy to take any reasonable advice that doesn't sound like: study algorithms and get into Google.
Ok, I studied algorithms, got rejected at the paper round. Now what? The tough part isn't passing the interview, it's getting a chance in the first place.
This advice is better. Some points that really stood out to me and that I'll take to heart:
> But if you have an amazing manager at a shit company you’ll still have a shit time.
> “Take any role, at any pay, on a rocketship and everything will work out” is only sort of true.
With that said, a lot of the advice is quite US-centric. Not many Dutch startups would offer stock options as far as I know, for example.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#16Earlier quoted context omitted.
I retain an average of less than two friends from each previous job - that's how many people with values that I share I can find in any given company.
You have to share values with someone to be their friend?
Yes. That's why none of my friends are neo-nazis, for example.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#17Most of it is reasonable, if already often quoted advice. But I did not see what does it have to do with the title: "for people with bad luck"
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#18Earlier quoted context omitted.
I retain an average of less than two friends from each previous job - that's how many people with values that I share I can find in any given company.
You have to share values with someone to be their friend?
I need to share any subset o values.
Otherwise there's no space for dialogue. I believe this is the norm.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#19> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…
Been working 3 months at my first job and this realization hit me. I enjoy spending time with my coworkers but is it all in vain?
No, it’s not in vain. But in order to build a relationship that’s permanent, it needs a strong anchoring in non-work things. If everything is just about work, then once that shared experience is gone the relationship will be too.
Flip side, you don’t have to be besties with your colleagues. Enjoying time with them while you’re colleagues is an end upon itself. You’ll statistically have about a dozen jobs in your life, which’ll bring in close to 100 colleagues into your life. Chances are you can’t and won’t remain friends with all of them, and that’s ok too.
Re: Career advice for people with bad luck
#20> The company is not your family. Some of the people in the company are your friends in the current context. It’s like your dorm in college. Hopefully some of them will still be your friends after. But don’t stay because you’re comfortable. This one hit hard. It’s amazing how many of the close work friends I had over the years were only close because of the shitty circumstances we endured together. Once that was gone…
It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Thinking of how close I became to someone for no reason other than empathy makes me feel pretty good.
I’m sure there’s reasons other than empathy that you might benefit from becoming close with your colleagues.