For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity • Hacker News Board

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#11

Post by ceejayoz » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:00 PM UTC

buzzkillington wrote: post #8

JonAtkinson wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…

When do you think there will be shelters for the victims of domestic abuse from women? I had a a friend bullied to suicide by their mother but there was just no support for someone who wasn't physically abused by a man in the 00s.

It's been a slow change, but it's changing.

https://www.npr.org/2017/07/15/537381161/more-domestic-viole...

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#12

Post by scott_s » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:01 PM UTC

buzzkillington wrote: post #8

JonAtkinson wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…

When do you think there will be shelters for the victims of domestic abuse from women? I had a a friend bullied to suicide by their mother but there was just no support for someone who wasn't physically abused by a man in the 00s.

There are. The nonprofit my girlfriend works for works with all victims of domestic abuse. I imagine most such organizations do the same.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#13

Post by JonAtkinson » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:01 PM UTC

buzzkillington wrote: post #8

JonAtkinson wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…

When do you think there will be shelters for the victims of domestic abuse from women? I had a a friend bullied to suicide by their mother but there was just no support for someone who wasn't physically abused by a man in the 00s.

There are. Awareness is growing and all organisations which are serious will have a plan in place and facilities available.

Should someone present at almost any shelter now their case will be assessed on whether violence occurred rather than gender.

My organisation is in the UK, so I can’t speak for elsewhere.

I’m sorry to hear about your friend, and for your loss. DV is truly horrible in all circumstances, and the effects ripple through many people.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#14

Post by topbanana » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:02 PM UTC

Zenst wrote: post #7

I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…

You need to get the hell out of there. It can't be good for your mental health

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#15

Post by OrangeMango » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:03 PM UTC

Where I am, the second paragraph of the executive order establishing the "lockdown" explicitly states that victims of domestic violence are exempt and are urged to leave for a safer location. It makes clear further in the order that services provided are considered essential and should remain open and that transportation is also essential and should remain available.

The news media simply does a terrible job of communicating what exactly these "lockdowns" mean.

People that had a daily respite because their spouse left for work, or (as the article mentions) the stress of the situation is causing alcoholism and relapses into violence are people that need help and that the system in place most likely doesn't have the capacity to handle. This is where additional resources need to be made available.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#16

Post by wolco » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:03 PM UTC

Zenst wrote: post #7

I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…

Hmm, lets see.

You could go the opposite way. Advertise for them everywhere. Put up signs for cheap stuff in other turfs. Let the free market work.

Now is the problem the people below or where you live? Getting rid of thek might bring someone worse. Sounds like you have grown out of the area.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#17

Post by duxup » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:05 PM UTC

jasondclinton wrote: post #10

duxup wrote: post #3

I feel like this is a valid concern, but really when it comes to abusive relationships ... a lockdown isn't the problem / aggravating circumstance /etc. I worked with kids who came from abusive / were in abusive families. The volume of abused partners who willingly stayed with the abuser was astonishingly high. They would even follow an abuser from one town to the next, even with services and options to not do so ava…

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

I think you can recognize that when you see victims get out of abusive situations, it is the victim is the one who ultimately took the decisive action (abusers just generally don't stop doing that on their own...) as a fact, and still recognize how difficult it is, and you can even call for MORE / better programs (that's what I was working in ...), and there isn't any inherent blame or conflict there.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#18

Post by buzzkillington » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:06 PM UTC

JonAtkinson wrote: post #13

buzzkillington wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When do you think there will be shelters for the victims of domestic abuse from women? I had a a friend bullied to suicide by their mother but there was just no support for someone who wasn't physically abused by a man in the 00s.

There are. Awareness is growing and all organisations which are serious will have a plan in place and facilities available. Should someone present at almost any shelter now their case will be assessed on whether violence occurred rather than gender. My organisation is in the UK, so I can’t speak for elsewhere. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, and for your loss. DV is truly horrible in all circumstances, and the e…

>Should someone present at almost any shelter now their case will be assessed on whether violence occurred rather than gender.

Domestic abuse does not begin and end with violence.

My friend was never physically hurt, yet he was still tortured enough to kill himself.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#19

Post by sanid » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:07 PM UTC

It's known that abuse cases tend to spike around Christmas and new year as people tend to spend a lot of time home together with their abusive partners. That's during a rather merry time. With lockdowns in place and the stress people are dealing with currently not only will it get worse for current victims we will have more victims of abuse in the months coming. Governments should not only be concerned will the economic consequences this pandemic has caused but the social and mental health problems it is causing currently.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#20

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 3:09 PM UTC

buzzkillington wrote: post #18

JonAtkinson wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are. Awareness is growing and all organisations which are serious will have a plan in place and facilities available. Should someone present at almost any shelter now their case will be assessed on whether violence occurred rather than gender. My organisation is in the UK, so I can’t speak for elsewhere. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, and for your loss. DV is truly horrible in all circumstances, and the e…

>Should someone present at almost any shelter now their case will be assessed on whether violence occurred rather than gender. Domestic abuse does not begin and end with violence. My friend was never physically hurt, yet he was still tortured enough to kill himself.

[deleted]