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The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

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Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#11

Post by RickHull »

fefzero wrote: post #7

"But the real reason [married people gain weight] is moral hazard, or the tendency to take more risks and behave more irresponsibly when there are no consequences." I'd never equated being overweight as behaving irresponsibly. If everyone thought this way, would we all be thinner? If my spouse can't nag me to lose weight (see #1), is there anything she could do to encourage it, or is it all on me?

Funny, I can't imagine being overweight as anything but irresponsible (mod specific health issues). And it is pretty much all on you.

One thing that can be very helpful is to schedule exercise with other people (e.g. spouse). It's easier to get going with a group, it's more fun, and there is a social cost to canceling. You don't even have to do the same exercises -- just go to the gym or pool or park or whatever and do your thing.

i.e. don't nag against bad activities, but support and encourage wholesome ones in their place.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#13

Post by abalashov »

This is the first popular publication article I've seen that has given the very important cognitive overload aspect of nagging--and especially multi-pronged nagging litany, which seems to be the most common kind--the treatment it deserves:

   But when it comes to nagging reminders about what your
   spouse still has to do after a long day working for the 
   man—take out the recycling, walk the dog, write a 
   thank-you letter, defrost the chicken, fix the 
   stereo—keep a lid on it.  Economists talk about
   “information processing costs,” or the costs incurred 
   from processing, absorbing and filtering information. 
   When information processing costs get too high, we 
   tend to become paralyzed.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#15

Post by yummyfajitas »

hartror wrote: post #8

I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.

This works well for women, not so well for men.

For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#16

Post by ojbyrne »

abalashov wrote: post #13

This is the first popular publication article I've seen that has given the very important cognitive overload aspect of nagging--and especially multi-pronged nagging litany, which seems to be the most common kind--the treatment it deserves: But when it comes to nagging reminders about what your spouse still has to do after a long day working for the man—take out the recycling, walk the dog, write a thank-you letter, d…

This doesn't actually take into account that the naggee can influence this. As a 12 year old, I remember finally getting so sick of my Dad nagging me to mow the lawn, that I started doing it before he had a chance to.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#17

Post by bartonfink »

abalashov wrote: post #13

This is the first popular publication article I've seen that has given the very important cognitive overload aspect of nagging--and especially multi-pronged nagging litany, which seems to be the most common kind--the treatment it deserves: But when it comes to nagging reminders about what your spouse still has to do after a long day working for the man—take out the recycling, walk the dog, write a thank-you letter, d…

Now I just need to figure out a good way to pass that hint along to my wife without her inferring that I hate her and don't ever want to speak to her about anything.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#19

Post by jedsmith »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #15
hartror wrote: post #8

I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.

This works well for women, not so well for men. For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.

[citation needed]

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#20

Post by ghurlman »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #15
hartror wrote: post #8

I would group it all into one tip: Make an effort with your relationship. Like everything good in life it takes work to have a good relationship. If you make an effort to have a good relationship, applying thought and energy day to day, you will grow a healthy satisfying relationship.

This works well for women, not so well for men. For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.

You sound young and/or divorced. No amount of effort will make up for a bad match.
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