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I learned this at a company retreat at some point. We all kind of rolled our eyes and went along with the exercise. I now use it to great effect almost daily in both personal and professional relationships. It takes a little care and thought to apply it well. I've found when done effectively, it can unlock difficult conversations and turn even the most hostile interactions into productive conversations. You are demon…
Reactions like that tell me once again that a lot of people really underestimate simple stuff like this. I hope that in the future simple and useful psychology topics will find their way into our schools so that the acceptance and understanding for the usefulness will increase (hopefully).
the requests all sound very passive aggressive to me. eg, “ would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?”
"Would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?” isn't really a question because "no" isn't really an acceptable answer so there's something dirty about phrasing like a question but I can't quite put my finger on what.
the requests all sound very passive aggressive to me. eg, “ would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?”
The characteristic of true passive-aggressive responses is to avoid direct confrontation, to mask conflict. For example, maybe by making a "joke" ("How's that food of mine that you're eating?") or by saying that somethings okay but not really meaning it ("I totally don't mind that you're eating all my food") or various other techniques.
the requests all sound very passive aggressive to me. eg, “ would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?”
What would you recommend a person in that situation say instead?
To me it does sound more passive-aggressive to circumlocute vs just directly ask. I guess specifically because it implies a "no" would be due to simple unwillingness, which in a sense is always implicit but sort of routes around that a person may have reasons beyond simple obstinate refusal to grant the request.
FWIW, in my limited Spanish language experience, requests at least with friends are often far more direct e.g. "dame el agua" (give me the water) vs. "could you give me the water?" in English. Took me a while to get used to, but made me consider the way we phrase requests in English, and the importance how one intonates speech.
If you want to improve your relationships though, make rule zero "minimize the extent to which you require other people in the world to change."
the requests all sound very passive aggressive to me. eg, “ would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?”
What would you recommend a person in that situation say instead?
I'm not sure I agree it sounds passive aggressive. But couching everything with "would you be willing to" sounds odd.
I'd also recommend Feeling Good, by David Burns. It's about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is similar to Stoicism. It has a couple chapters on dealing with difficult people. There's an audio book
I've read "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" and found it helpful in personal & work communication. I _hate_ the name, though. I don't want to suggest to someone that they read about non-violent communication because that suggests they're being violent when they're not. I'd prefer almost any other name. Some better names: "observational communication", "non-judgmental communication", "empathetic communica…
the requests all sound very passive aggressive to me. eg, “ would you be willing to only eat the food that you buy?”
That's not passive aggressive. That's a direct ask, to your face, just worded softly.
The person could say "Yes" and then nothing will change, because this is not a "direct ask" to them in the first place.