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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

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Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#11

Post by llamataboot »

atoav wrote: post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

I agree - it's impossible to know what you are truly needing without having a pretty rich inner emotional landscape with a lot of nuance.

For instance -

Feelings: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory

Needs: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory

--

Yet the needs exist, are often projected onto others (partners, co-workers, kids, whole countries, etc) and then action is taken to try to get /them/ to meet needs that one doesn't even know they have. At best, this tends to be frustrating, at worst...well we can all look up the stats on violence perpetuated by people raised as men in the West versus people not raised as men.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#12

Post by esoterica »

whalesalad wrote: post #7
bjt2n3904 wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oddly, using w3m avoids their paywall.

The paywall is not what irks me. It's all the crap they post that either invokes super inflammatory commentary here on HN (like, men being emotional, men being anxious, men being xyz) or the really NERF-level stuff that lacks any substance and really just makes you think of Captain Obvious™

I guess “super inflammatory” is code for “stuff I don’t agree with”.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#13

Post by rebuilder »

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now.

I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing.

I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing.

Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#14

Post by devtul »

bmarquez wrote: post #3

I participated in men's work, not specifically the ManKind Project but a closely related organization. I personally found it helpful doing weekly check-ins and having people holding me accountable to my goals. Unfortunately, the stigma regarding men sharing feelings is prevalent in western society, and it's not only the men causing it. When I told several female friends about the work they did, their response was: "A…

Women definitely have their share on the stigma, too many times have I seen women using mental issues to emasculate men.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#15

Post by blackflame7000 »

ionforce wrote: post #6
atoav wrote: post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

It sounds like you're saying this is a high priority issue. Why do you feel that way?

Pride comes before the fall because we stop grading ourselves objectively.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#16

Post by whatshisface »

ionforce wrote: post #6
atoav wrote: post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

It sounds like you're saying this is a high priority issue. Why do you feel that way?

I know it sounds unlikely, and it may even be unbelievable, but I suspect there could be men with emotions posting comments on Hacker News. Not me of course, that would be ridiculous.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#17

Post by devtul »

rebuilder wrote: post #13

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now. I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing. I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing. Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

You can't discard the different pressures specific to each gender, and how each gender deals in their own way with those issues. This reminds me of schools that deal with boys like they are "broken girls", they are ignoring their natural gender attributes when assessing what's acceptable behavior.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#18

Post by [deleted] »

rebuilder wrote: post #13

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now. I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing. I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing. Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

[deleted]

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#20

Post by Consultant32452 »

Am I the only one who sees men sharing their feelings all the time? To me it seems like men simply process things differently than women, so women and the feminized psychiatry field don't recognize it's happening.

We live in an age where men are being villainized at every turn, and this is just another way men are being told they don't measure up... because they aren't sharing in a way that women recognize. With all due deference to my trans friends, men are not simply women with penises.

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