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Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

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Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#11

Post by lonelappde »

ghi5goio3qno4i3 wrote: post #3

I've always wondered about these kinds of studies. For example, let's say we took a loner and gave them a 24/7 health monitor system that also helped apply preventative and corrective treatments, would someone live just as long as someone with a social support network? Presumably at some point in the near future we're going reach that level of technical accessibility for the average consumer, I would wonder perhaps i…

If loneliness causes poor health habits, a machine that cures poor health habits would be an exquisite device for psychological torture - removing the possibility of death while preserving all the yearning for it. Asimov wrote a story once about that -- a selfish and suffering God who tortured brilliant souls by giving them eternal life so they would help God in God's quest for a method of suicide that would kill an immortal.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#12

Post by trevyn »

kodz4 wrote: post #6

My plan is to run for President or get into politics atleast. Watching all these Geezers having the time of their lives in their 70s and 80s has made up my mind. Just look at Ralf Nader, Ron Paul and Rush Limbaugh ranting and raving away with the energy of 10 year olds. It's that social mojo they are tapping into man. If I can wake up everyday troll the country, get a pat on the back from my buddies in my 90s...I thi…

FWIW, I bet that there’s a lot of hormone replacement therapy going on in that cohort.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#13

Post by cjpb »

jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

You raise some good points.

I also believe personality types play a large part, for example I'm an introvert, and while spending time with others makes me happy - that can easily be negated if I spend too much time with others or don't have a chance to come up for air (e.g. some alone time).

Not to mention the personality types of others as well. I have introverted friends whom I can quite happily spend weeks at a time with (low energy, deep conversations, no awkwardness with silence), and on the other end of the scale there are friends who are extremely extroverted whom I cannot spend more than several hours with (high energy, shallow and constant changing of topics being discussed, a feeling of awkwardness when there is silence).

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#14

Post by jchw »

cjpb wrote: post #13
jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

You raise some good points. I also believe personality types play a large part, for example I'm an introvert, and while spending time with others makes me happy - that can easily be negated if I spend too much time with others or don't have a chance to come up for air (e.g. some alone time). Not to mention the personality types of others as well. I have introverted friends whom I can quite happily spend weeks at a ti…

I agree, being introverted definitely seems to impact the amount of time you want to spend with others, though I am maybe somewhat different in my preferences. I absolutely enjoy spending time with people, but even spending time with other introverted folks can be tiring for me, because sometimes I just want to sit in a quiet room completely alone. (Many of my other, also very introverted friends, disagree and can spend nearly all of their time with like-minded people. Which can be a little awkward.)

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#15

Post by toomanybeersies »

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends?

I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#16

Post by toomanybeersies »

jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

> the search for happiness can become a source of unhappiness

It can become maladaptive reward seeking behaviour, similar to addiction.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#17

Post by varjag »

toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

It is irregular I agree, and it is common. Depending how you slice it though; does communicating daily over the net count as surrogate of interaction? At what rate?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#18

Post by xwdv »

toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

This is just how it is when you get older. You’ll see friends maybe once a month for an average of 4 hours or so, basically 0.5% of your year. The rest of the time you spend sleeping, eating, working, occupying yourself with other activities that make up life. One day you might just wake up and realize all your friends are dead and buried, and if you are the last one left then you know you’re next. It’s over. Where did life go?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#19

Post by irrational »

toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

Daily was common when I was a teenager. Every other day was common in college. Weekly was common right after college. Now with a full time job, family, house maintenance, etc. I probably average once every 2 months or so and I'm amazed I even have that much time to spend with friends. I'm looking forward to retirement.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#20

Post by tempsy »

xwdv wrote: post #18
toomanybeersies wrote: post #15

It is just me, or does "at least once a month" not really seem like regular interaction with friends? I'd have thought at least once a week would qualify as regular. Once a month seems really irregular, I couldn't imagine seeing my friends only a dozen times a year. Is this common?

This is just how it is when you get older. You’ll see friends maybe once a month for an average of 4 hours or so, basically 0.5% of your year. The rest of the time you spend sleeping, eating, working, occupying yourself with other activities that make up life. One day you might just wake up and realize all your friends are dead and buried, and if you are the last one left then you know you’re next. It’s over. Where d…

This really depends. Would say the biggest factor is kids.

Also, a revelation I’ve had as a millennial gay man is because the rate of having kids is relatively low among gay men in particular, anecdotally gay male friends stay in touch at a higher rate than straight counterparts even as we get older.

Not necessarily always a good thing, though. Especially in SF gay culture feels even more “Peter Pan” like.

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