Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

That's amusing for me to hear. Because I'm very successful at work, but have self-esteem issues because I don't define my value/self-esteem by success at work. I'm pretty jealous of your ability to make people laugh. That's something I find really difficult.

One thing I've noticed is that different people value different things. I have some friends who really value humour, and being around (only) them too much can damage my self-esteem as I'm not able to provide one of the things that they really value. Whereas other friends of mine don't care so much about humour and value my time, care and attention, which is something that I'm much better at.

Find your people!

I find my faults and think very negatively and feel other persons superior to me. I am trying to change that but Its really very hard.

Try to answer honestly (to yourself) - why exactly do you care what others think, unless their opinion has immediate effects on you? But be blunt and honest to yourself, don't kid yourself.

Confidence is a scam. It's just a way certain people "act", and others label it "confidence". Sometimes you can label it with a different word - like a moron under the guise of the all-mighty "confidence", for example. Don't buy that much into it.

How many "confident" people "deserve" the mystics surrounding the confidence? How many original thoughts, works have they produced? In which field have they been top in the world? If they simply died tomorrow, who'd miss them truly? What is their objective value? What about their internal, moral values? Any substance at all?

Try to err on the side of logic, not emotions. Try to think objectively, as much as possible.

On the topic of "trying new things" - listen, nobody is good enough. People take chances all the time and we usually hear about the "winners". Think about "last man standing" kind of thing. Try, fail, improve, try again - that's what everyone does. No exceptions.

Practical advice: sleep 8+ per day, exercise daily, protect your mental well being (especially if you notice that it's going down) - don't expose your mind to insane things.

1)Do exercise: It will increase chemicals like serotonin, endorphins and dopamine making you feel way better.

2)Eat more healthy: If you reduce saturated fats and increase protein will impact your dopamine levels.

3)Book "a guide to the good life": The chapter #1 is very slow but the rest of the book is pure gold and I found it here in HN, I strongly recommend it.

You could go into what it makes hard for you, what situations you have experienced, what advice you’ve received (and if it worked or not if you tried it and how you did), then you could make the 2nd part of the talk taking questions from the audience.

It might make you feel uncomfortable and definitely vulnerable but in my experience if the audience is mostly respectful - I think they’ll naturally become empathetic or at least sympathetic and respond perhaps by opening up with some of their experiences and how they evolved from them.

Don’t get me wrong - I know this may well be very scary and if you have (mental) health issues I would suggest discussing it with your doctor first.