change your diet first... again... change it meet ppl in your free time and be prepared to fail when trying to mingle, but enjoy the little moment of happiness that soon or later will come.
Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
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Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#12change your diet first... again... change it meet ppl in your free time and be prepared to fail when trying to mingle, but enjoy the little moment of happiness that soon or later will come.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#13Some options that I have tried and have helped:
- Try Meetup.com. Endless options there. Don't be afraid to be awkward. Read about social skills and practice them.
- Be a better friend and initiate contact with people you know - don't wait for them.
- Also make a list of all people/friends you know local or non-local. Refer to that list and keep in touch. This is harder than it looks but is important. I was surprised how many folks I had a good connection with but did a sucky job of keeping in touch with.
- Attend workshops, classes etc where you have the chance to meet others in a like minded setting. Especially overnight ones. There are always group events happening in urban environments. Seek them out.
- This is going to sound dumb - but try to interact with people via social networks. It teaches you a bit of initiative and also leads to in person quality time in some cases. But be careful that you don't get swallowed by it.
- Have something interesting at your home - like board games, gaming , good list of movies to watch. That way you can feel comfortable inviting people over to hang out at your place and have a good time. It feels nice to say "I have a really cool board game - why don't you guys come over and let's have some fun, along with some beer/drinks"
- Be interesting - if you are passionate about 1 or more interesting topics outside work, and talk about it with folks you meet, they will remember you. It could be AI, self-improvement, meditation/mindfulness, running, fitness, music and so on. But learn to talk about your passion intelligently. It leaves a mark.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#14You can try joining a no-profit local community. Also if you are in a tech city you can probably find a lot of tech-related meetups full of friendly people
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#15I've been dealing with just this issue. I, too, am an introvert and require time alone after socializing to 'recharge.' I had a fairly intense bout of depression recently, I realized that it was in part due to do loneliness. So I did some introspection and talked things over with a trusted advisor. So some things to consider in no particular order: Shame about being lonely drives people to feel more lonely. Don't let…
Wise words, and I appreciate them. Thank you.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#16Some options that I have tried and have helped: - Try Meetup.com. Endless options there. Don't be afraid to be awkward. Read about social skills and practice them. - Be a better friend and initiate contact with people you know - don't wait for them. - Also make a list of all people/friends you know local or non-local. Refer to that list and keep in touch. This is harder than it looks but is important. I was surprised…
Solid advice, thanks.
As for some of your suggestions, it's not that I have a laundry list of out-of-touch friends. I keep in touch with every one of my good friends from High School and College. The problem is, that list is about | | Thank-you.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#17I've been struggling to begin rehabilitating and changing my home environment. I went through hell with a series of offensively noisy and aggressively inconsiderate neighbors. So, I avoided home. And I didn't invite people over. And, as the months wore into years, my home took on aspects of neglect. I was "trapped" at first by some circumstances I didn't deal with well. Then more thoroughly by the self-reinforcing na…
Something I think I've overlooked is exactly this, my environment. I know that I don't help myself, trapping myself in my home.
Good luck with your journey, and thanks.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#18Don't cope with it - fix the problem. Emotions are designed to tell you important facts about the word. Pain tells you that there's ongoing physical harm that you ought to avoid, anger tells you that you're in an appropriate position to start or threaten to start a physical fight, grief tells you that you temporarily need to get the support of the tribe as you adjust to your loss, and so forth.
What loneliness tells you is that you haven't gotten the sort of stimuli you'd expect out of having a position in a social group. Experiencing it sucks because this is the sort of thing that is extraordinarily dangerous.
So, how do you get "I am part of a larger group that accepts me" signals? Go and do stuff. If you're not naturally inclined to stay on top of things, get organized about it. Texting/IMing your friends/acquaintances is a good choice. Volunteering somewhere could also help. Regular hobbies are great - I do social dancing. Swipe on a few Tinder profiles and see if you can strike up a conversation. It really doesn't matter what you do, so long as you use your planning faculties and organization to compensate for your lack of socialization drive.
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#19I've been struggling to begin rehabilitating and changing my home environment. I went through hell with a series of offensively noisy and aggressively inconsiderate neighbors. So, I avoided home. And I didn't invite people over. And, as the months wore into years, my home took on aspects of neglect. I was "trapped" at first by some circumstances I didn't deal with well. Then more thoroughly by the self-reinforcing na…
That's an awful spiral. Correct me if I've misunderstood, but this is caused by bad neighbours? If this is really the root, take the leap and move out! Perhaps you can try flat-sharing next.
I live in a rural town, which I love (courtesy to introversion) but sometimes it can get lonely, and yes, that self-reinforcing spiral then happens. I try to go to tech events in big cities at least once a month so I'm reminded that I 'belong' to this community, even though most of the time I don't interact very much. (And that's ok too, be comfortable with who you are! :)) Seems to be working, that and monthly meetups with old friends and nurturing an appreciation of my own company. This is just me though - try different things so that you can find which suit you best. Chin up!
Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness
#20Don't cope with it - fix the problem. Emotions are designed to tell you important facts about the word. Pain tells you that there's ongoing physical harm that you ought to avoid, anger tells you that you're in an appropriate position to start or threaten to start a physical fight, grief tells you that you temporarily need to get the support of the tribe as you adjust to your loss, and so forth. What loneliness tells…
I don't agree that you can "fix" emotions [or, say, remove an emotion by eradicating all sources], rather than cope with them. But, I think you raise a really valid point. I need to start doing, rather than thinking about it.
This post, albeit inconsequential, was my first step in "doing" something about it. I've been alone for years. I've never admitted it. I'm reaching out. I just need to.. Scale up.
Thanks for the advice.