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Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

scientificamerican.com

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Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#11

Post by d0paware »

MarkPNeyer wrote: post #7

I just read "life of a slave" by frederick douglass. It's been helpful to calibrate my emotional responses. I try to treat emotion like sound or light - a signal from the outside world, with appropriate responses. When I get upset at things now, I compare whatever's bothering me to "being a slave, being whipped for teaching fellow slaves how to read the bible" - and i realize how unimportant the thing was. This abili…

I used to think that this was a good way to cope with unhappiness that I experienced. I would tell myself, "At least I'm not starving to death" or, "At least I don't feel like killing myself this morning." I would feel better at first, but it didn't change the fact that I would still get the same negative feelings again. It became frustrating that this tactic lost its effectiveness over time.

While on one hand it trivializes what it actually means to go through starvation, or having suicidal thoughts, or what it's like to actually be a slave, I think it also trivializes your own feelings as well.

Like the article points out, this mentality suppresses your feelings. "Oh, I'm not allowed to feel this way. Look at all the wealth and happiness I am surrounded with and non-extreme situations I don't have to face!"

Admitting my feelings and writing them down in my journal in the heat of the moment, no matter how pathetic they made me seem, gave me a chance to reflect on what I had written. It gave me a snapshot to come back to later and say "Is this really what I am like? Have I exaggerated or downplayed my emotions?"

And from there, I was able to come to two types of conclusions:

1) Accept that sometimes for a given situation I would feel blue no matter what. Something I realized after 8 years of heartbreak, things not working out, or rejection in dating is that while I got better at being functional, the pain itself never dulled. And what a relief! I kept expecting that it would somehow hurt less after all these years, but that's just not how it turned out. And I feel so much better now with that in mind.

2) I can decide to act on the problem. I can act and succeed, or act and fail. And after enough failures, sometimes it's OK to give up for the time being and work on other types of dissatisfaction.

I think the article did a great job of succinctly describing a process I have gone through myself for several years. I highly recommend it.

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#12

Post by conistonwater »

tim333 wrote: post #9
dschiptsov wrote: post #3

LOL. Pop-science today! More than a half of the text are references to another "studies" to convey the fundamental idea, which every biology student should know after the first semester - emotions has been evolved for a purpose - they are signals between sub-systems , so, they are here "by-design", and should not be ignored or suppressed. An emotion is a signal that an action is needed. Actions, however, could (and s…

The author's not a professor or marketing. She's a "Psychotherapist, Ayurvedic Health Coach, Writer, CEO-Bettie Page Fitness, Songwriter, Activist, Editor." Still not very hard science though.

Where did you get that? I went looking for a link because your list of titles didn't match what was in the article:

She's an integrative psychotherapist! A one-stop wellness shop. And a licensed professional counsellor:

> https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Tori_Rodrigu...

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#13

Post by bluetwo »

(In my opinion) Negative emotions are indeed useful. Feeling sad or griping about something is not all that bad as long as it helps you define what it is in your life you don't like.

The hard part is forcing yourself, after some time in the dumps, to say "OK, no what am I going to DO about this?"

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#14

Post by jwdunne »

ChefDenominator wrote: post #10

I watched a documentary about heroin addiction in a wealthy northeast U.S. town. I recall being struck at how the parents of the addicts presented in the documentary (who were all young) talked about how all of their kids were always so happy as children. Then, when interviewing the addicts, there was a clear recurring theme that they wanted to do drugs because they could not handle the pain of being off drugs. I did…

Those parents are probably in turmoil. Their kids addicted to drugs because of the emotional pain of reality would feel like total failure as a parent.

The other thing is heroin withdrawal causes intense physical pain. Heroin is a potent painkiller. It numbs both physical and emotional pain. Withdrawal goes in the opposite direction. I've heard the pain described as "deep within the joints and bones".

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#15

Post by pitt1980 »

ChefDenominator wrote: post #10

I watched a documentary about heroin addiction in a wealthy northeast U.S. town. I recall being struck at how the parents of the addicts presented in the documentary (who were all young) talked about how all of their kids were always so happy as children. Then, when interviewing the addicts, there was a clear recurring theme that they wanted to do drugs because they could not handle the pain of being off drugs. I did…

"So happy as little children" seems to be a recurring line in nearly ever episode of Intervention I've ever seen

I usually assume that the parents are pretty poor historians

Or that people aren't very good at figuring out when little kids aren't happy

I have trouble believing that happy childhood are correlated with later life problems

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#16

Post by crawfordcomeaux »

d0paware wrote: post #11
MarkPNeyer wrote: post #7

I just read "life of a slave" by frederick douglass. It's been helpful to calibrate my emotional responses. I try to treat emotion like sound or light - a signal from the outside world, with appropriate responses. When I get upset at things now, I compare whatever's bothering me to "being a slave, being whipped for teaching fellow slaves how to read the bible" - and i realize how unimportant the thing was. This abili…

I used to think that this was a good way to cope with unhappiness that I experienced. I would tell myself, "At least I'm not starving to death" or, "At least I don't feel like killing myself this morning." I would feel better at first, but it didn't change the fact that I would still get the same negative feelings again. It became frustrating that this tactic lost its effectiveness over time. While on one hand it tri…

Completely agree with you and would add that I've found mourning after something that gets me down is ESSENTIAL for moving through those things. If I avoid grieving the loss I'm perceiving, that's also suppressing my emotions.

I used to not associate mourning with everyday events; it was something reserved for people/pets dying. Now, if I can't shake a bad feeling, I try mentally eulogizing whatever I lost.

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#17

Post by thesagan »

notliketherest wrote: post #8

Depression was a major part of Winston Churchill's life, and he used the phrase ‘Black Dog’ as a euphemism when talking to family and friends. Sometimes when I feel the negative emotions come to me (every few weeks / months), I think about that and I think about just walking alongside the black dog. It helps to remember that.

Same for me, I try not to fear my black dog, my good 'ol friend. Instead I try and take it as a sign that I might have some growing to do, or some grieving to finish, or that some change is needed and that I should start thinking of possibilities for that. I become introspective.

My life, and most other peoples' lives, have seasons, and those seasons can add meaning in very strange ways that are difficult to replicate without enduring a dark storm every now and then. (Sorry for the metaphors, I'm not a great writer.)

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#18

Post by jcoffland »

ChefDenominator wrote: post #10

I watched a documentary about heroin addiction in a wealthy northeast U.S. town. I recall being struck at how the parents of the addicts presented in the documentary (who were all young) talked about how all of their kids were always so happy as children. Then, when interviewing the addicts, there was a clear recurring theme that they wanted to do drugs because they could not handle the pain of being off drugs. I did…

If the parents remembered their children as unhappy then it would seem their fault as the parent is generally assumed responsible for a child's happiness in their early years.

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#19

Post by tim333 »

conistonwater wrote: post #12
tim333 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The author's not a professor or marketing. She's a "Psychotherapist, Ayurvedic Health Coach, Writer, CEO-Bettie Page Fitness, Songwriter, Activist, Editor." Still not very hard science though.

Where did you get that? I went looking for a link because your list of titles didn't match what was in the article: She's an integrative psychotherapist! A one-stop wellness shop. And a licensed professional counsellor: > https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Tori_Rodrigu...

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tori-rodriguez-ma-lpc-2b21b437

Re: Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

#20

Post by Kenji »

They usually stop being useful when they destroy you from the inside and make you do things you'd never do in a normal mood range. But what he says has a nice ring to it, in line with all the modern self-help nonsense.
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