My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

The thing that has helped is opening up to a select few of friends. I am not the kind of person to open up emotionally but realized that if I want my kids to have a healthy dad, I have to do something different. But the older kids have noticed my sadness.

My therapist told me something that helped and that is I should strive for progress and not perfection. A goal oriented person is striving for perfection but that's an impossible goal when going through depression.

The fog from depression initially made me believe I had no friends. But when I took time to observe my life and journal, I realized there were a few friends for which I eventually opened up to. It helps to have a support system in addition to any doctors you see.

In any case, when I feel "stuck", I look at specifically what's making me unhappy and what would make me happy. Then I form a long-term plan. You may not be able to quit your current work today, but what would it take to move into something you find rewarding. It might mean life-style changes: Got a car payment? Replace it with a beater you don't owe money on (my beater is really really nice but was a simple cash transaction).

I'd also caution you that you can't naturally work the long hours you're describing as a permanent schedule. You will burn out and/or your body will give out whether you have depression or not. If you're not exercising some minimum amount and you're not eating a healthy diet, that will also lower the threshold at which you give out.

I'm not a doctor or even a therapist - you should find one to talk with. I have however had joyless periods in my worklife, so please take my advice above with the understanding that you actually have two problems ... your depression is one and your lifestyle is the other. They will potentially exacerbate each other.

My email address is in my profile - feel free to correspond if you're interested in talking about the work related problems you're experiencing. Again, I'm not qualified to counsel you on the depression you're feeling. I've been in this industry for over 30 years, so you probably won't surprise me. Also notice my profile lists my family as my priority - they provide grounding for my work life.

Hope to hear from you ... and happy Easter.

P.S. I've got some job openings if you decide you need to make a work change. Perhaps there's something that matches your skills.

That fog is the hardest thing to deal with. I'm currently in a good spot, emotionally. In my case depression is a consequence of anxiety. Managing that better has kept me emotionally healthy.

But when I've been depressed I'd forget that I've had friends, good friends, for years that I could talk to and who would be there for me. It's not easy, but taking that step back to really examine your situation (as you've done) was the part that has turned me back from the brink several times in my life.

Trying to understand the reasons behind a suicide is futile. It's usually not something logical which can make it very hard for rational people to reason about. It's a disease...