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To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

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Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#11

Post by nether »

the4dpatrick wrote: post #10
neilgrey wrote: post #6

I wonder how many people will read this article, have a lightbulb go off in their head, feel warm and fuzzy about it all, then wake up tomorrow and do absolutely nothing about it. Probably most. This article is unfortunately what it epitimizes the most -- a self-help conundrum. Advice given from the perspective of a workaholic. But alas, what tools does it actually provide to take action? Walk away from everything? S…

> "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen" A friend once shared how surfing illustrates how having a process driven approach vs. a result driven approach is beneficial. In surfing you start off knowing the basics of how to get on the water, standing up on the board, and riding the wave. You may know the basics, but until you actually go out in the water…

This is similar to rock climbing and skiing. The commonality that I see is that they all require taking what comes at you, a random natural environment, and handling it as well as you can. They require an outward focus and quick adaptability to varying conditions, which is not so much the case for other sports like road cycling, running, and anything on an artificial surface.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#12

Post by jimmywanger »

This is a horrible article.

It seems to be emphasizing an external locus of control. Which is unuseful. Sometimes things won't turn out the way you want. But you still have to put the effort and time in.

The way she's writing she seems to dismiss effort and time as useless.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#13

Post by andrew_eit »

neilgrey wrote: post #6

I wonder how many people will read this article, have a lightbulb go off in their head, feel warm and fuzzy about it all, then wake up tomorrow and do absolutely nothing about it. Probably most. This article is unfortunately what it epitimizes the most -- a self-help conundrum. Advice given from the perspective of a workaholic. But alas, what tools does it actually provide to take action? Walk away from everything? S…

I feel as though you missed the point of the article by advocating for people to make meaning and purpose in their lives by doing something that scares them. I think this type of thinking gives way to the mentality that leads to the problems described in the article.

It is not about working hard to make meaning or to 'fix' things that are broken or that you are not happy about but rather to 'let go'. To let go to the fact that you cannot control everything and that you cannot always have it your way. Yes do your best and do what you need to do in life but you must acknowledge at some point that things are generally out of your hands. Once a person realises this, then the pressure of not succeeding or reaching their goals, is lifted and a more realistic perspective on life starts to form. One rooted in reason, realism and the fact that we are all human and that sometimes even if we can do better, it may just not be the time, that other things are in play that keep us from reaching these goals and that it is entirely not the case that the person is not trying hard enough.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#14

Post by erikpukinskis »

Legally, "permission to be where you are" is a right reserved for the capital class. Even in my home my right to stay only lasts for 60 days and then I am subject to whatever forms of violence are necessary to remove me so that a pre-designated member of the capital class can be where I am.

From here it's miles to a place where I have the right to urinate, and tens of miles to a place where I have a right to sleep, and to my knowledge there is nowhere in my country where I have a right to do subsistence farming, or steward any kind of ancestral resource.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#15

Post by solipsism »

jimmywanger wrote: post #12

This is a horrible article. It seems to be emphasizing an external locus of control. Which is unuseful. Sometimes things won't turn out the way you want. But you still have to put the effort and time in. The way she's writing she seems to dismiss effort and time as useless.

There's a core component of the article that's good, though. The part about not getting hung up on the fact that you're not where you're "supposed to be", or that you're not as far along as you perceive others to be. This is an important point.

But I agree, encouraging constructive action is better than complacency.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#16

Post by joslin01 »

An article from an LA-based author telling you to "just chill"? You don't say...

It's best to be honest with yourself and come to terms with where you are in life and where you want to be. After that, unless you put action into your belief, you will be sad. Even if you fail, but put action into the belief, you'll be happy and have grown.

This article has utility for over-achievers who need to learn patience, but anyone else (especially anyone who struggles with motivation) should ignore it. It aims to make you feel good "you're doing the best you can" and has cute, but vapid lines like "let timing do what it needs to do" or "it's just not the fucking time if it's not the time."

If you need help with motivation, you probably don't need to be told you're already doing a great job and should just succumb to some external force of "timing". This is probably the thought that's actually holding you back. If you feel like you work hard and are never satisfied, it's true that you should just chill. The strongest people in my opinion are the ones who are able to keep a calm & humble mind while steadfastly pursuing their goals.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#17

Post by ambicapter »

nether wrote: post #11
the4dpatrick wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen" A friend once shared how surfing illustrates how having a process driven approach vs. a result driven approach is beneficial. In surfing you start off knowing the basics of how to get on the water, standing up on the board, and riding the wave. You may know the basics, but until you actually go out in the water…

This is similar to rock climbing and skiing. The commonality that I see is that they all require taking what comes at you, a random natural environment, and handling it as well as you can. They require an outward focus and quick adaptability to varying conditions, which is not so much the case for other sports like road cycling, running, and anything on an artificial surface.

Too bad I'd much rather be skiing than doing any of the very real work I need to be doing.

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#18

Post by solipsism »

rubicon33 wrote: post #8
anotheryou wrote: post #3

And another thing: most of us will be medicore, and it's probably better to be ok with it :) maybe being happy, not successful is all it takes

This is a good point, but a very tough one for most people on this forum to swallow. I think it's good to give everything your best effort, to strive for greatness, and constantly check yourself to make sure you're giving it your all. But then, if you don't succeed, find peace in life's way. Be okay with yourself, your progress, and your place in life. When you step back and realize how truly random everything is, th…

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

Hemingway

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#19

Post by IkmoIkmo »

anotheryou wrote: post #3

And another thing: most of us will be medicore, and it's probably better to be ok with it :) maybe being happy, not successful is all it takes

Indeed, statistically we can't all excel, we had best shape a culture in which this fact of life is bearable. Reminds me of a funny study that finds most teachers rate themselves above average teachers, most drivers rate themselves above average, etc (of course, statistically this is impossible).

Re: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

#20

Post by dfraser992 »

This article doesn't cover the cost of making horrible mistakes. A series of them actually... over a couple of decades.

This article was more for the rats stuck in the "affluenza" maze, not the chronically depressed or others struggling with more fundamental issues than 'keeping up with the Joneses'

Yeah, I learned a whole lot about my blind spots (in being taken advantage of, ignoring issues, actively avoiding them...) and processed some really deep seated issues, but the cost right now still seems a bit too high. It is a bit disheartening. In another decade or 2, it certainly won't matter, but in terms of "falling behind", I am at the extreme of the bell curve, I'm afraid. But maybe that was my overall path, extreme self-knowledge... At least I am an exceptional special snowflake!

"The Wisdom of Insecurity" by Alan Watts is recommended reading if this article affected you in some way.

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