Learning to Deal with the Impostor Syndrome

As an autodidact software developer, I've been lucky enough to avoid these self-doubts.

I still experience them, but the difference is I don't wonder what my peers think: For the first few years I was teaching myself how to code, the harsh open ego of my online community tore me down every step of the way. Mainly hackers and engineers on IRC.

There's nothing like hearing a peer or mentor tell me my work is utter crap, with full unabashed honesty. One of my most vivid memories is a fellow developer telling me my abilities were amateur and I wasn't qualified for the job, straight to my face, in front of all my peers. This is only possible in a pseudo-work online environment, with non-coworker peers. The impersonal pragmatism of online social groups has been a valuable crucible for suspected impostors, and it forces me to examine myself and see my failings. Harsh, and often false, but no longer a question lingering on my mind.

I came to the conclusion (which I later confirmed by reading a quote by someone famous, can't remember right now), that most intelligent people will realize that no matter how intelligent they are, there always someone else more intelligent. And even if you look up to THE most intelligent people of mankind's history (think polymaths, the DaVincis, Eulers, Leibnizs, etc), they STILL knew they couldn't know everything/be the best at everything. There's even a famous scene in a Simpsons chapter where Homer looks up to Edison as an inventor and then he realizes that even Edison looks up to someone (I think DaVinci in the cartoon).

So at some point when my impostor syndrome gets to me, I remember that in the end it's really never going to go away and secondly, it will keep me reminding me that there's still a lot to learn and that helps me stay humble because I know any day I might meet the most improbable of persons, that will teach me something that I didn't know.

In other words, I have found that keeping my impostor syndrome alive (but not letting it paralyze me as another poster suggests) helps me keep my ego in check. On one hand my ego let's me enjoy the painful fruits of frustration and experience and then my syndrome avoids that from letting me float so high that I burn with the flames of ego.

In the end, that still doesn't negate the fact that it's a constant drain of energy having to balance the two. I guess that's part of the reason why they say ignorance is bliss... although I'm not sure it's a particularly enjoyable bliss.

In regards to the Jack of all trades quote, the full thing is: "Jack of all trades, master of none, though often times better than a master of one."

Sounds horrible. I came across the following quote earlier today that sums up my reaction pretty well: "Honesty without empathy is cruelty."

What exactly is the brainfuck for you? I don't fully understand when you say "I'd like to get out of it, but at the same time, I feel like if I can get out of if, I can get out of most things".

What I mean is, as far as I understand the impostor syndrome happens when you are at a place that you feel you don't deserve (or that you aren't really up to the task/at the limit of your abilities).

In your case it seems the other way around. Your environment doesn't seem to be up to what you can achieve (by what you describe of course).

Wouldn't that cause the opposite effect? i.e. thinking, how the hell are these people my seniors/running things like this? They should now better.

Or maybe I'm misunderstanding and you feel like the syndrome was pushed unto you by means of people being arrogant towards you?

If that's the case then I recommend to just keep cultivating yourself in the different subjects that interest you, to be sure that you really are the one that's correct (you never know when you will be "sure" of something just to find out you were wrong, being humble and double checking before opening my mouth has saved me lots of embarrassments... conversely because previously I didn't shut my mouth lots of times and got burned.), try to learn as much as you can from the actual experience of bearing with people that doesn't sound very pleasant to work with, and then get out of there when you can.

It definitely doesn't sound like a healthy place to be.