Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#1

Post by Pitarou » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 4:39 PM UTC

Hi,

TL;DR If Swartz's death is triggering suicidal thoughts, you must understand that this will pass, and life will be worth living.

After seeing the impact of Aaron Swartz's death on the Hacker News community, I am concerned about the Werther effect (the tendency of a prominent suicide to trigger other suicides). I hope I can help by sharing what I learnt through 10+ years of depression and recovery.

Depression robs you of the ability to: 1. remember happiness 2. feel happiness 3. anticipate happiness 4. make considered decisions

#1-#3 make you miserable, but #4 is the killer. Bits of your brain actually shut down, and you run on pure emotion. For example, when I was depressed, I was easy prey for offers like "4 for the price of 3 on this crappy overpriced chocolate" because I couldn't weigh it up. All I could think was "chocolate: good. 4 for 3: good. 4 for 3 chocolate: irresistible". But if you're running on pure emotion and your emotions tell you "everything sucks" well ... suicide looks like a good option.

So why didn't I kill myself? Somewhere in my guts, there was a stubborn belief that "this will pass". You might even call it a sense of entitlement: "come on world -- you can give me something better than this!" And you know what? It DID! Thanks to some wonderful people, and to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I found a way to recover.

With the best 10+ years of my life lost to depression, starting from scratch in my 30s has been hard, but it's still a life, and I swear that life is worth more than you can possibly understand when you're depressed.

Stay strong,

Pitarou

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#2

Post by tbjohnston » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 4:42 PM UTC

Thank you for this post and helping to get the word out.

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#3

Post by rlambert » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 4:47 PM UTC

Thanks for posting this, Pitaroua. It is really well put and important stuff for people to know.

== Ross ==

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#4

Post by rohamg » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:12 PM UTC

Thanks for posting this. I too am alarmed at the HN community's response. It is surprising how such strong talent can feel so powerless- you'd think hackers would be less susceptible to giving up given that we can change things with our bare hands. It's easy to give up, it's incrementally harder to say "this will pass", it's hardest of all to snap ourselves out- slap ourselves in the face and remind each other of the immense privilege we all were born into, and see problems in the world with a sense of duty and responsibility, not despair. Honestly- I'm a bit shocked at the sense of entitlement people have of life sometimes, expecting happiness to be delivered on a platter (or via API). Life is a startup, it is a fucking war: keep busy and fight the good fight. If we're on HN we're already in the top 1% - if we have problems we should get out there and do something about it.

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#5

Post by mherdeg » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:14 PM UTC

Just as a heads-up, his last name is spelled "Swartz".

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#6

Post by misnome » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:15 PM UTC

It's a repeat of what others have said, but thanks again for posting this - much of the comments in the other thread seemed to be.. unhelpful, if not downright antagonistic.

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#7

Post by Pitarou » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:18 PM UTC

mherdeg wrote: post #5

Just as a heads-up, his last name is spelled "Swartz".

Argh! Thanks.

I also spelled my name wrong. I'm actually "Pitarou" rather than "Pitaroua". Post in haste, repent at leisure.

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#8

Post by lisper » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:25 PM UTC

http://blog.rongarret.info/2011/11/it-gets-better-geek-versi...

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#9

Post by hkmurakami » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:27 PM UTC

>Depression robs you of the ability to: 1. remember happiness 2. feel happiness 3. anticipate happiness 4. make considered decisions

I've spent many hours thinking about how each of us can dig ourselves out of our dark places when we unfortunately get stuck in them from time to time; I don't think I've seen the core symptoms of depression expressed so succinctly in these few years since my own difficult times.

I spent Christmas week with friends in Hawaii, and I told my friend (who has lost an older brother to suicide -- so we talk about this sort of thing from time to time) that being conscious of "happy times" like this and making an effort to remember these great moments during our difficult moments is probably a key factor in preventing suicidal thoughts in us. He agreed.

Re: Why you shouldn't do what Aaron did

#10

Post by seiji » Sat, Jan 12, 2013, 5:28 PM UTC

Studies of suicide[1] show it's an escape from yourself (kinda obvious), but I think the insight is: it all starts with blaming yourself.

If you don't blame yourself, the chain of suicide doesn't start. People don't suicide themselves because somebody else has annoying life circumstances. Circumstances are relative too. Modern society is constantly throwing other people's success, joy, accomplishment, and bravado in our faces. It can make us feel less than what we are. It can make us feel like our lives aren't good enough. Stop comparing your life to anything you've read anywhere anytime. We live in an age of magic. Be a wizard.

Blaming yourself is a dangerous path to go down. Don't blame yourself. The world is big and time is long. Things will work out.

[1]: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2408091 and summarized at my http://suicidescale.com/ site.