It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#1

Post by spreadlove » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 4:33 PM UTC

It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever
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Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#2

Post by xiaomai » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 4:54 PM UTC

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from "Harvey":

    Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In
    this world, Elwood, you must be ... you must be oh so
    smart or oh so pleasant."  Well, for years I was smart.
    I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#3

Post by emmett » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:08 PM UTC

Bezos' grandmother was dying of smoking cigarettes, and if he managed to push her into quitting it was probably worth being a little mean about it.

This is the kind of "deep" sounding quote that's actually not so deep at all. It's obviously good to be kind, and good to be clever, and in fact in order to really be kind one must be at least a little clever.

Check the consequences, not the surface appearance, of your actions!

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#4

Post by rjzzleep » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:10 PM UTC

no it's not. it just depends on who you think your audience is. why do people always put their own use case as general rule for everyone?

granted, you're talking about making money. otherwise is perfectly fine being a complete douchebag and everyone still using and loving what you build, invent, research.

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#5

Post by pronoiac » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:16 PM UTC

The failure mode of "clever" is "asshole." From John Scalzi, I believe.

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#6

Post by j_baker » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:24 PM UTC

It's somewhat ironic, but I frequently see this attitude espoused by programmers or other people who are more on the "clever" side than the "kind" side, and it sounds a bit like a "grass is greener on the other side" type of thing. As someone who's good at being kind, let me say that it's not always what it's cracked up to be. Kindness can not only win you friends and allies, but it can also turn you into a giant doormat. What's most important is knowing when to be kind and when to be clever. Sometimes being unlikable and unkind but smart is the right solution.

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#7

Post by ktizo » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:25 PM UTC

emmett wrote: post #3

Bezos' grandmother was dying of smoking cigarettes, and if he managed to push her into quitting it was probably worth being a little mean about it. This is the kind of "deep" sounding quote that's actually not so deep at all. It's obviously good to be kind, and good to be clever, and in fact in order to really be kind one must be at least a little clever. Check the consequences, not the surface appearance, of your ac…

if he managed to push her into quitting it was probably worth being a little mean about it.

Only if being mean to someone is a much more effective way of making them quit. It is just as likely to stress them out and make them smoke more. Being mean to be nice as a strategy only makes logical sense if there is no way to achieve the same thing without being mean, otherwise you are just being mean and justifying it with some potential future outcome.

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#8

Post by chc » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:32 PM UTC

emmett wrote: post #3

Bezos' grandmother was dying of smoking cigarettes, and if he managed to push her into quitting it was probably worth being a little mean about it. This is the kind of "deep" sounding quote that's actually not so deep at all. It's obviously good to be kind, and good to be clever, and in fact in order to really be kind one must be at least a little clever. Check the consequences, not the surface appearance, of your ac…

I agree with your conclusion, but I'm not sure it applies here. Being mean is not the same thing as being persuasive, and very often they are at odds. There are usually better ways to get someone to come around to your way of thinking than making them feel bad about themselves. Making someone feel bad can actually decrease your credibility in their eyes, because it makes them want for you to be wrong.

Think about great salespeople you've known. How many use insults to motivate their prospects, and how many use flattery?

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#9

Post by minikites » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:43 PM UTC

rjzzleep wrote: post #4

no it's not. it just depends on who you think your audience is. why do people always put their own use case as general rule for everyone? granted, you're talking about making money. otherwise is perfectly fine being a complete douchebag and everyone still using and loving what you build, invent, research.

And how's that working out?

Re: It's More Important to Be Kind Than Clever

#10

Post by minikites » Fri, Aug 31, 2012, 5:46 PM UTC

j_baker wrote: post #6

It's somewhat ironic, but I frequently see this attitude espoused by programmers or other people who are more on the "clever" side than the "kind" side, and it sounds a bit like a "grass is greener on the other side" type of thing. As someone who's good at being kind, let me say that it's not always what it's cracked up to be. Kindness can not only win you friends and allies, but it can also turn you into a giant doo…

Maybe I'm just really oblivious or quite lucky personally, but I feel like people who are hyper-concerned about being taken advantage of make themselves way more miserable than if they just relaxed and stopped worrying about other people. If you act out of fear that people are talking about you or taking advantage of you, you are likely to make that happen.