The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
happiness.hks.harvard.edu
The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
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Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#2> The government slowed down its investment in and construction of third spaces—such as community centers, parks, and coffee shops—which has left fewer places for organic social interactions.
My anecdotal impression is that people don't really use those that are available very much and the drop in investment is because of that.
I have organized a few events in community halls over the past few years and I have been struck by just how available the event spaces we looked at were. No conflicts, no competing priorities, nobody using any of the other rooms at the same time, etc. Some communities are no longer bothering to have community halls at all, as nobody really uses them.
Where I live, the local community centres are not heavily used. Community social events have dwindled due to being poorly attended. The coffee shops, bars, and pubs have cut seating and replaced it with dedicated pickup areas for those who send in orders or are buying it through a delivery app. Schools have cut all manner of parent activities as the parents don't participate.
Same thing for anything that isn't a flagship park or flagship sports facility. Sure, the top city parks are crowded, but most are pretty empty even on sunny days.
So I have to ask, is there actually much demand for more social interaction? As it seems that the drop is mostly in demand, not supply.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#3If you don’t see your friends in person, you’ll lose the thread, and it’s hard to pick up again.
Of course that’s an over generalization but for the most part it’s true.
Make an effort, make the calls, maintain the relationship by giving it your time, in person. Or the friendship will wither and die.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#4> online friendships require a different set of social behaviors than in-person ones
Yeah. In real life there's no karma value next to your name and no string of reactions next to every statement you utter.
Imagine a VR-based dystopia which displayed such information to everyone you encounter.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#5It’s crazy out there for a 40yo.
One thing I’m considering is that maybe it’s ok if friends don’t reciprocate. I think some people just have to be the inviters or relationships fall apart.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#6> The government slowed down its investment in and construction of third spaces—such as community centers, parks, and coffee shops—which has left fewer places for organic social interactions. My anecdotal impression is that people don't really use those that are available very much and the drop in investment is because of that. I have organized a few events in community halls over the past few years and I have been s…
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Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#7It’s crazy out there for a 40yo. One thing I’m considering is that maybe it’s ok if friends don’t reciprocate. I think some people just have to be the inviters or relationships fall apart.
Yes here too, and I’m guilty of the focus on family over friends, but also my peers are too and it creates a bunch of people that used to be close that never really see each other because they prioritize their immediate family
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#8If you don’t see your friends in person, you’ll lose the thread, and it’s hard to pick up again. Of course that’s an over generalization but for the most part it’s true. Make an effort, make the calls, maintain the relationship by giving it your time, in person. Or the friendship will wither and die.
For most part it is the fear of rejection that prevents someone from making that effort or call to organize.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#9> online friendships require a different set of social behaviors than in-person ones Yeah. In real life there's no karma value next to your name and no string of reactions next to every statement you utter. Imagine a VR-based dystopia which displayed such information to everyone you encounter.
Change the way you connect - I have some friends I made over the last two years over... IRC. There's something personal about on-line pure text based communication (with bots/bouncers not being allowed). Like really being in a room with everyone else.
For a more modern alternative, discord in a relatively small server should work well. Especially if you connect over a shared interest.
Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting
#10> The government slowed down its investment in and construction of third spaces—such as community centers, parks, and coffee shops—which has left fewer places for organic social interactions. My anecdotal impression is that people don't really use those that are available very much and the drop in investment is because of that. I have organized a few events in community halls over the past few years and I have been s…
I think this is less about demand, and more about habits.
I’ve personally become aware of the fact that I need more social contact. I want to attend events, but never really built the habit of organizing. My ex was always the social instigator, and I didn’t realize how much I relied on that (we were together for most of my adult life).
The more people I talk to about this, the more I hear them lamenting the lack of in-person gatherings.
I think social media has kind of filled the need poorly, and this has changed habits. It’s not what people want, but it has them hooked, and IRL gatherings have suffered as a result.
It reminds me of some of the comments from the younger crowd about TikTok. “I hate it, but I can’t stop using it, because everyone else is on it”.
I really think people want real social interaction but have gotten caught in this social media habit that just barely meets the need. Junk food vs. a nutritious meal.
I suppose at the end of the day you could still say this means demand is down, but I think there are more layers than that.