What really happens inside a dating app
blog.luap.info
What really happens inside a dating app
1–10 of 373 posts
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#2> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money.
Don't do this.
You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So you end up relying on looks with a handicap. A good looking person doesnt need professional shots to show that.
Sure, if you currently have mirror selfies, professional shots are better. Otherwise - if you are not a model who has magazine-published shots you're including in your profile, then don't go use or pay for professional shots. Figure out how to take canned shots on your own or pay a photographer for canned real shots (nothing highly edited).
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#3The data here falls in line with the infamous OKcupid study (which got cancelled and taken down because men and women are identical, donchaknow?)
The takeaway is that humans best date by meeting people in person through mutual acquaintances.
Without the forced direct social interaction, women are only interested in the top 10% of guys, and guys are just aimlessly running at anything that moves regardless of their actual interest (i.e. liking and seeking sex from women they have no real interest in dating). Guys end up with no likes and no dates and women end up with mountains of disingenuous likes and dates with disingenuous men.
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#4> Recommendation of profiles that you may like is a solved technical challenge at Tinder level and at mostly any dating app today.
It’s hard to take the rest of the article seriously after reading this!
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#5Interesting data in the article though nothing unexpected for people who follow this space. Some notable points:
> The other thing that interests you is the like ratio, or the openness, among 100 profiles that the user sees, how many of them does he like? (The median for men is 26% and for women is 4%.)
>The like ratio of a girl is almost independent of the profiles she sees. For example, if a girl has a like ratio of 5% and you remove 50% of the profiles, even if you remove only the profiles she will not like, her like ratio will still be 5% (you can do that by removing very unattractive people for a guy that is very attractive, for example). It is funny to observe, but it seems like a girl has internal reasoning on a dating app, and they know they can only like x% of profiles whatever she sees (of course, it doesn't work if you show only ugly people).
And lastly:
>Whats interesting is that the more attractive the guys were ranked by girls the more they were looking for something not serious.
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#6> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. Don't do this. You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So…
> conveys neediness & a level of desperation
In your experience, to what extent would displaying these qualities negatively impact a woman on a dating app?
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#7> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. Don't do this. You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So…
> Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation.
Instinctively, I agree with you, but might this actually not be true anymore? I've noticed how "accepted" it is to share lots of selfies today, while before that used to be very obvious signs for self-absorbed/narcissistic/superficial/etc people, so I'm wondering if maybe we're both wrong thinking this today.
Maybe like how selfies became part of the modern social interaction, getting professional photographs for dating services might be entering the same phase too?
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#8There is a truly fascinating talk by a data scientist who "hacked" the "algorithm" of a dating site and became the most matched person in californina.
Highly recommended.
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#9> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. Don't do this. You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So…
> conveys neediness & a level of desperation In your experience, to what extent would displaying these qualities negatively impact a woman on a dating app?
If a woman is using professional shots? Or a male? Either way -
For an attractive person: not much impact, though I think there is still a bit of a handicap depending on the type of person they are trying to attract and how much confidence plays into a valued trait for the other person. The same goes for how much of it seems ego-driven vs genuine.
For the average person: I mean you're simply limiting your pool. And potentially attracting personalities that look to exploit emotionally vulnerable people (the type willing to drop a lot of money on a photoshoot in hopes of getting more dates). As opposed to attracting the people they want to be dating.
Re: What really happens inside a dating app
#10I'm not going to go into details as I don't want to create a throwaway account for HN, but I can attribute a lot of people's feelings in dating apps to a few things. I got an email from Bumble a few years ago that said I was in the top x percent of people swiped on.
If you try to brute force stats your way to dating apps, you will fail.... to some extent.
A lot of this comes down to looks that you can control, and looks that you cannot control. Some people are born better looking than others and when you spend less than a second filtering people, the first factor you use is looks. That said, not everyone is looking for the same qualities so ymmv, but better looking people find dating apps much easier.
Throwing money at apps works. I'm not going to go into details because my opinion is not based on anything other than my opinion, but I found that the more I spent on the apps, the more dates I would get.
Modern dating when compared to traditional dating offline is not even the same thing. Ghosting and talking romantically to multiple people is normal. You can't let yourself get emotionally attached to anyone until you actually know them or expect anything from them.
I've heard horror stories from both men and women from online dating, and I've only had great exeriences from it. Some people find me attractive, and at the time I was very active and fit, so I usually got past the swipe test. I'm honest with myself and ok with my flaws. I'm also comfortable in social situations which helps me talk to new people.
I think crunching the numbers in this style only looks at a binary 'reality' of dating apps and not what you can do to help yourself and other factors that can lead you to what you ultimately want from partnership, or relationships or physical comfort or whatever else lead you to online dating.