Why making friends as an adult is harder

It is hard, for those that treat life as 'working and slacking'.

Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends.

It's still that easy. But, you have to give up social media doomscrolling and movie binging. So there's that.

A better title might be - why it's hard now to get off your butt and do anything other than work and slacking. Because it is hard. But if you do it - all the same friendship avenues are still there.

I made my first new friend in years simply by… asking. Struck up a conversation with a guy in line for coffee, on my way out of the cafe went up, gave him my number, said I was looking to make new friends.

The world is more like the playground than you might think. Just ask if someone wants to be friends. They probably do.

I have a few board game groups I belong to. We occasionally also do things outside of board games. So, for me it was finding a common interest.

Another factor, for me, is being married. My wife has a lot of friends. They go on walks together, have regular Ladies Lunches were they try different restaurants in the area. I've become friends with some of the other husbands when we do things together as couples. Everything from movies, to holiday parties, to escape rooms, to board game nights (party games), to murder mystery dinners, etc.

For me, over time, it's been primarily common outdoor interests. Though it doesn't have to be outdoor interests specifically.

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person.

Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work.

Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play sports. It doesn't matter if you're athletic or talented.

You just gotta show up and see the same people every week over and over. If you're a reasonably well adjusted person (and even that sometimes doesn't matter) you will make friends.

Again, making connections and friends is easy. Being around the same people regularly is difficult. Solve that problem and the friendships will come with little effort.

I have found that people generally understand the value of friendship and are welcoming to newcomers. It's been a very refreshing surprise as I've gotten older.

Get out there!