Coinbase argues that cryptocurrency is like baseball cards or Beanie Babies

maybe they meant decentralized baseball cards

I am so glad that we're out of the ZIRP era. It's my firm hope that getting funding will require most businesses to do something economically productive. My theory is that if founders mainly sell nonsense and bafflegab to investors, they lose any ability to act rationally. But if they're actually creating value and operating in reality, there's a lot less room for them to float off in clouds of rhetoric about amazing futures.

People who can't tell analogies from identities are not fully human.

They also argue that it's like land or a condo, but I guess baseball cards sounds worse, so sure, put it in the headline.

It means that Coinbase's lawyers thought the argument was worth a try. They have to make some argument that cryptocurrency isn't a security.