On Aging Alone (2021)
thewalrus.ca
On Aging Alone (2021)
1–10 of 338 posts
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#2feeling this, almost 40. seems like dating is off the menu forevermore but I really never took enough time to enjoy it. Too busy playing with my computers
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#3feeling this, almost 40. seems like dating is off the menu forevermore but I really never took enough time to enjoy it. Too busy playing with my computers
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#4These are the life choices we make, whether through biology, mentality, or environment. For me, one of the key factors is that the signal-to-noise you have to endure with friends to get the few moments of gratification is so low that it's draining. Maybe it's a product of having a high bar for what constitutes new and interesting/entertaining for me (compared against spending time alone), combined with already being biased towards things and ideas rather than people.
I live with the consequences now in middle age, when friends and connections gradually evaporate if not actively cultivated. And I’m sure I’ll pay for it at a point in life where you need those who stuck with you not for ideas or things, but because of friendship or family. Because you wanted to spend time with them, low signal-to-noise and everything.
Anyway, we all eventually experience this phase. For some, it just comes earlier than others.
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#5feeling this, almost 40. seems like dating is off the menu forevermore but I really never took enough time to enjoy it. Too busy playing with my computers
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young.
I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets something, nobody gets everything.
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#6Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…
I'm 40 myself and I find that a lot of the issues with online dating is that pretty much all apps lead with your age. the other thing I've found is that I have SO much more luck in person meeting new people also finding people based on shared interst is pretty much required now, as generalized socializing almost doesnt happen.
for me it's been boardgaming, polyamory meetups mainly... and volunteering to teach things.
it's a muscle, socializing, it's something that improves with use (but also gets exhausted with overuse)
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#7Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…
Sure, if "wanting someone half your age who's far more attractive" outweighs your desire to not be alone, you're out of luck. But "I'm vain and want a trophy" is a different problem than aging alone.
If you really wanted it you could spend a couple years getting in tip-top shape and expand your pool to more like late-30s and you might have better luck than you think... But you gotta put in SOME effort.
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#8Go to gym. Do an activity with other people. Be kind. Lot's of other people would die to have your attention. Symbiosis.
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#9Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…
Couldn't you date someone attainable rather than staying single to keep a fantasy alive?
Re: On Aging Alone (2021)
#10Earlier quoted context omitted.
my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…
Couldn't you date someone attainable rather than staying single to keep a fantasy alive?
Sound logic but settling isn't my strong suit. Also I very much wanted children