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Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

nymag.com

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Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#2
> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television.

And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows).

How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an example because it doesn't show whether this was a good and appropriate apology or not.

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#3

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

Dangerous questions!

This is the world Americans now live in:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_McNeil_Jr.#Dismissal_fr...

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#4

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

What do you need the full sentence for, though? A passing familiarity with ethnic slurs and why they're tabooed, will already give you the answer that once you start splitting hairs about why or why not something that was said is offensive, then that is probably an indicator that - even if if it was a joke or the person saying it was part of the minority being slurred - it was inappropriate to say it.

A passing familiarity with Bill Maher will give you the answer that he's not probably a person who would care all that much about my argument.

All that being said, I am not sure I follow your conclusion that it's impossible to evaluate an apology without knowledge what it's for. The argument the article brings forth is about the structure and content of apologies in general. There's no need to cover each offense in detail.

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#5

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

The use-mention distinction, any nuance and context whatsoever stopped mattering. Some on the left just want to get their "social justice fix" by pressuring to get people fired or shame them for absurd reasons like "cultural appropriation".

And then they are surprised why far-right grows in reaction to this. Or maybe not, maybe that was the point of both sides to have an enemy you can fight with for eternity. Horseshoe theory in practice.

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#6

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

The use-mention distinction, any nuance and context whatsoever stopped mattering. Some on the left just want to get their "social justice fix" by pressuring to get people fired or shame them for absurd reasons like "cultural appropriation". And then they are surprised why far-right grows in reaction to this. Or maybe not, maybe that was the point of both sides to have an enemy you can fight with for eternity. Horsesh…

[deleted]

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#7

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

The use-mention distinction, any nuance and context whatsoever stopped mattering. Some on the left just want to get their "social justice fix" by pressuring to get people fired or shame them for absurd reasons like "cultural appropriation". And then they are surprised why far-right grows in reaction to this. Or maybe not, maybe that was the point of both sides to have an enemy you can fight with for eternity. Horsesh…

> The use-mention distinction, any nuance and context whatsoever stopped mattering.

I don't think this is a good argument in general to be made when trying to justify the rise of the far-right, but in this particular instance, where Maher made an offensive attempt at humor, it's unjustified.

The context of the incident doesn't really matter to the article in question, and if one would want to know about context it's really easy to find out - this is an artice on the internet and not in a print after all.

And there is really not much nuance to his comment that would justify an in depth explaination.

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#8
post #3

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

Dangerous questions! This is the world Americans now live in: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_McNeil_Jr.#Dismissal_fr...

Incidentally and apropos to the subject at hand, McNeil's apology is a pretty good one:

“I was asked at a dinner by a student whether I thought a classmate of hers should have been suspended for a video she had made as a 12-year-old in which she used a racial slur. To understand what was in the video, I asked if she had called someone else the slur or whether she was rapping or quoting a book title. In asking the question, I used the slur itself,” McNeil said in his note to the staff. “I should not have done that. Originally, I thought the context in which I used this ugly word could be defended. I now realize that it cannot. It is deeply offensive and hurtful. The fact that I even thought I could defend it itself showed extraordinarily bad judgment. For that I apologize.”

https://www.thewrap.com/ny-times-reporter-donald-mcneil-jr-o...

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#9

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

What's the difference between saying n-word and the actual word? The concept that symbolises in my head is the same - and so any difference necessarily is to the benefit of the speaker, not the listener.

Re: Apology critics who want to teach you how to say you’re sorry (2017)

#10

> On Friday, Bill Maher said the N-word on live television. And that's all the context we get. Not the full sentence, not whether it was part of a joke, I don't even know if the guy who said it was black (though I suppose not, given what follows). How am I supposed to evaluate an apology if I don't know what is being apologized for? And without that evaluation, this example adds nothing to the article. It fails as an…

The use-mention distinction, any nuance and context whatsoever stopped mattering. Some on the left just want to get their "social justice fix" by pressuring to get people fired or shame them for absurd reasons like "cultural appropriation". And then they are surprised why far-right grows in reaction to this. Or maybe not, maybe that was the point of both sides to have an enemy you can fight with for eternity. Horsesh…

I’m guessing you’re not the subject of any slurs. When it comes to slurs, use-mention isn’t nearly as much of a distinction as you think. The mere mention of a slur is enough to bring the painful memories of its use roaring back, whether you want them to or not.

Also, it’s just kind of... weird... to insist on being allowed to say them. Of all the hills to die on, why that one?

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