I refuse to tolerate assholes

#1

Post by taylorbuley » Thu, May 19, 2011, 4:51 PM UTC

I refuse to tolerate assholes
jacobian.org

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#2

Post by p4bl0 » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:12 PM UTC

Thanks for saying it.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#3

Post by ericHosick » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:13 PM UTC

Relevant book: The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't - Robert I. Sutton. It provides an academic view of the subject.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#4

Post by ericHosick » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:16 PM UTC

I have similar feelings about this. There are billions of people on the earth and hundreds of millions of them are cool. So, why waste time with people who aren't nice when there are so many nice people to meet?

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#5

Post by wccrawford » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:16 PM UTC

Have you looked in the mirror, man? That entire posts exudes the exact same behavior you are condemning.

You've asked for them to be fired? That wasn't your place, and the penalty is far too harsh for the crime. You were attempting to ruin their livelihood because you don't like them.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." - The Bible. Nobody would get to throw a stone. Nobody fits the criteria of being 'perfect'.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#6

Post by lelele » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:17 PM UTC

Someone who contributes good code is by no means an asshole. Real assholes are selfish. Maybe some people are rude, that's it, but smart people see beyond rudeness.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#7

Post by qjz » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:20 PM UTC

These people behave in a way that would not be tolerated in real life.

This statement is heavy with implications. Like many of us, the author abstracts these interactions into a second class version of reality, even though they are really happening. Why do people who are usually polite in person sometimes unleash an uglier, more confrontational side of themselves when there is a buffer of distance? Even before the introduction of email & chat, I've seen this happen in phone exchanges. In the absence of the need for a flight response, do we naturally tend to fall back to the fight response?

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#8

Post by epenn » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:22 PM UTC

I'm typically very good at getting along with people, but I suppose my reaction to an asshole depends on the type of assholery being committed. Take for example someone who is egotistical and condescending. I may not necessarily like that person, but I can tolerate that person so long as the work being done is of good quality. On the other hand, take for example someone who takes credit for the work of others or in some other way actively seeks to step on his/her peers for personal gain. I have no tolerance for that.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#9

Post by ericb » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:23 PM UTC

wccrawford wrote: post #5

Have you looked in the mirror, man? That entire posts exudes the exact same behavior you are condemning. You've asked for them to be fired? That wasn't your place, and the penalty is far too harsh for the crime. You were attempting to ruin their livelihood because you don't like them. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." - The Bible. Nobody would get to throw a stone. Nobody fits the criteria of being 'p…

I think the attitude you endorse just enables the assholism. Assholes ruin their own livelihood by being assholes, no need to blame the victims of their vitriol.

For any given job, there are hundreds of other equally deserving candidates who aren't jerks. Getting fired gives assholes a chance to learn their behavior isn't acceptable, and is only fair to the more-deserving candidate who then fills the position.

Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes

#10

Post by rauljara » Thu, May 19, 2011, 5:25 PM UTC

Preface: Something I've noticed about jerks/assholes: they're convinced that they're surrounded by jerks and/or assholes. Almost none of them are jerks for no reason. They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion). A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you. Most people are basically all right. If you (1) run into conflicts with a lot of people, please consider the possibility that you are at least part of the cause.

Actual Point: The reason I am hesitant about following the advice of this article is that it encourages you to divide the world into jerks and nice people. It's very easy to be a jerk to a jerk. If you are a jerk to a jerk, suddenly everyone on the project has to deal with two jerks.

I do agree that there are behaviors that just shouldn't be accepted, and there are lots of examples of them online. But you (2) do need to be mindful of your response to those behaviors. Make sure your response isn't to engage in those behaviors yourself.

(1 & 2) and by you, I mostly mean me. I am totally writing to myself here.