20 Ways to Attack Shyness
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20 Ways to Attack Shyness
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Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#2Finding the advice also good as I learn to fail more often.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#3I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach.
I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#4Excellent article. Tips (#11,#12,#14,#16) are key. Especially #16 ("Practice being in uncomfortable situations") - the idea is that what is uncomfortable for you is very personal and very real and what you need to work on...
Daily practice makes shyness diminish. As someone who has been aware of his shyness all his life, I think it really simmers down to: selfishness (they're thinking about me [no they're not]), perfectionism (what do I say? if I clam up say nothing, I won't be hurt [umm?]), and most importantly, expectations, I hope they like me [twisted logic: if they don't like me, then I'll be hurt. So I won't talk to them, and I'll be in my shell and protected]
Great quote from one of the commenters:
“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid” - Claudia Lady Bird Johnson
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#5Excellent article. Tips (#11,#12,#14,#16) are key. Especially #16 ("Practice being in uncomfortable situations") - the idea is that what is uncomfortable for you is very personal and very real and what you need to work on... Daily practice makes shyness diminish. As someone who has been aware of his shyness all his life, I think it really simmers down to: selfishness (they're thinking about me [no they're not]), perf…
Your tips like these are awesome.
I should have thanked you earlier as well. edw519 and I followed http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=119006 in SS'08 and got great results. Thanks a lot.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#6This is related to this thread. I followed the advice given as well as my own advice. -> http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=169295
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#7My wife calls shyness a form of selfishness, as we decide not to share of ourselves with others.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#8My wife calls shyness a form of selfishness, as we decide not to share of ourselves with others.
It is probably not a good strategy to blame yourself of being selfish if you are already shy, since that will just hurt your self-evaluation and make you more shy.
Better to realize that other (including non-shy) people are just as self-absorbed as you are, and therefore wont bother to judge you - they are far to busy judging themselves and wondering how other people will judge them! :)
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#9I had an 'anxiety disorder' in my early high school years (mid 90's). I don't just mean around girls either. I would actually get butterflies whenever the monotonous redialing of my modem would be broken by that glorious screeching and scratching sound that meant I was finally connecting to the coolest local bbs. You know... the one where I was on track to make sysop one day; where I was clearly gaining the upper hand in a few threads of great import; where the girl I (and everyone else) liked might have accepted my marriage proposal in LORD.
The family doctor gave me some pills to take as needed, said they'd calm me down. And they did. Before long I forgot all about the pills and didn't seem to need them anymore, online or off. I got some contacts, my acne went away, I got a skater/hacker identity and a girlfriend. About a year later I found out they had been sugar pills. A total placebo.
So I got tricked out of my shyness.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#10"Attack Shyness"? Shyness seems unlikely to respond well to being attacked. I'd rather say something like "address shyness".
The point may seem minor, but wording affects how you frame a problem, which in turn has a big effect on the solution. In my experience, when working with parts of oneself, it's better not to frame things oppositionally.