A guide to difficult conversations
medium.dave-bailey.com
A guide to difficult conversations
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Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#2There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use.
His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stunning skill. Certainly more useful than any technical trick I've ever learned.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#3Very nice and concise writeup. For me it is always hard to deliver the feedback to the point (the 40 words rule), because i'm afraid it'll simply go under in all the other information people take in during the day. That's why i tend to keep pressing the matter. Has anyone some relevant experience to share on that?
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#4Great article! Thanks for highlighting this often neglected aspect of communication!
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#5There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
Or his book, "Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life". It's gotten me into NVC and it's been a game-changer.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#6[deleted]
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#7This is a valuable post. I have not taken an NVC course before, but I have done a lot of work in negotiations, writing, and was brought up to use this style of communication.
One thing I would be interested in either from the OP or someone with experience with NVC, is how you recognize when you are being patronizing. Much of this communication style is the artifact of an implied power relationship, where the speaker already has the power, or is asserting power.
In negotiations, there is the idea of appealing to shared principles and interests, and NVC can be a way to depersonalize the issue to focus on that. But the example of handling, "No," with empathy is to directly personalize the issue and address feelings, vs. the negotiation view which would be to ask, "if no, given we agree on X, let's leave my perceived solution aside for a moment and find out how we get X."
I think empathy in business can often be zero sum, where it is just an expression of sympathy for someones lack of power in the situation, that is both psychologically horrible, and destroys value. I call that approach of fabricated empathy "seduce and smother," which is common in organizations today.
This article provides an essential and valuable tool. However, this difference between empathy and principle, is that an accurate interpretation of the distinction?
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#8There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
I struggle a lot with communication, but have not found a panacea for the biggest issue I regularly face.
Communication requires two people to be willing to talk. If one of them just doesn't want to listen, just hear themselves talk, what can I do?
This includes them not listening to me telling them that I'm not willing to talk to them if they're not willing to listen (in more, or even fewer words than that).
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#9There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
Or his book, "Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life". It's gotten me into NVC and it's been a game-changer.
This book was really helpful to me in changing how I speak with folks. I have not yet found a good way to recommend it in an effective way.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#10NVC has been a game-changer for me, not only in terms of my relationship with my partner, but my relationship with myself. Not only does it allow someone to communicate more effectively, it allows someone to be way more conscious of what they need and that they are ultimately responsible for meeting those needs.
It definitely requires actual practice though. It is a skill to be grown, not just knowledge to be acquired or memorized.