‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#2This is not meant to sound like an off the cuff comment, it is not, a lot of thought has gone into this:
Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. It Takes A Village, and your local support system is not to be underestimated.
In the end, all we have is family and/or loved ones ("chosen family"); everything else is fleeting. Spread your wings, but know where Home is (and remember Home is something to be cultivated, and not to be taken for granted).
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#3This is not meant to sound like an off the cuff comment, it is not, a lot of thought has gone into this: Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. It Takes A Village, and your local support system is not to be underestimated. In the end, all we have is family and/or loved ones ("chosen fam…
Recently a family member died who did just that: asked her father to move from the city where he lived to go nearer to her so she could take better care of him. They debated this for a while, he relented, moved to bf nowhere.
So far so good.
Then, three months later she drops dead of lung cancer.
It is very fortunate that I live nearby too, total coincidence, that branch of my family I have very little contact with. So now this 80+ year old guy that just lost his daughter, the only regular link to his past and provider of all his needs has to depend on me, the nephew he hasn't really seen in the last 35 years or so.
No more circle of friends, no walks about town, just some crap flat for old people and a whole day to wait for night to come again. Card games once every week and the occasional game of Scrabble. And the rest of the time you are just alone with your thoughts of life the way it was.
The good news is he definitely did not waste his life, but it is super hard on him and there isn't a visit that leaves me unmoved about how incredibly harsh life can be.
Poor guy.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#4Sometimes you can get distracted (for years) and cut yourself off from the world.
This can be because of adventure Travel, creating a business, or focusing all your energy on one person and then having that relationship fall apart.
I moved cities to be better positioned for my Startup. Ignored all friends and family for 4 years, and ultimately the company failed and I felt very similar to this woman.
The prison system is developing "re-emergence" programs to help inmates reintegrate with the world after being isolated for 20 years. If they can come back to happy lives, anyone can.
But I think there should be more books/classes and programs focused on integrating back with your own life after a period of isolation.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#5This is not meant to sound like an off the cuff comment, it is not, a lot of thought has gone into this: Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. It Takes A Village, and your local support system is not to be underestimated. In the end, all we have is family and/or loved ones ("chosen fam…
Recently a family member died who did just that: asked her father to move from the city where he lived to go nearer to her so she could take better care of him. They debated this for a while, he relented, moved to bf nowhere. So far so good. Then, three months later she drops dead of lung cancer. It is very fortunate that I live nearby too, total coincidence, that branch of my family I have very little contact with.…
It is our purposes as humans (IMHO, YMMV) to make life less harsh for those around us.
From one internet stranger to another, you are a good person Jacques. We're all just walking each other home.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#6When I was in college there was an older woman doing my course who was a little like this - had lived all over the world, and had had the kind of wild life that I envied. I learned from her that memories of good times don't make you happy - quite the opposite, in fact, if your present is a let-down.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#7The holidays are an emotional meat grinder. Its the hap hap happiest time of the year alright. This time of year is the lowest for most people but it is demanded of us to hide our desperation. Unfortunately it also distorts are situation. The situation really is better than we think it is. A lot of us get irrational this time of year. It will be better in the spring when the holiday hysteria is long gone.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#8When I was in college there was an older woman doing my course who was a little like this - had lived all over the world, and had had the kind of wild life that I envied. I learned from her that memories of good times don't make you happy - quite the opposite, in fact, if your present is a let-down.
A few folks I knew like that were effectively running from something(s) hoping to find something.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#9I honestly wondered if this was some kind of satire.
I have great sympathy for the person asking for advice, and I suspect they may have been hoping for something a bit more actionable. Also, the advice columnist mentioning their new book and book tour in the reply seems a bit tone-deaf to me.
I hope that she finds a way to start making the changes she wants to see in her life.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#10I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch.
American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc.
I think parenting has over-corrected from the overly didactic and stern parenting of previous generations to endless "follow your bliss" and "you can do anything" -- which is causing a lot of young people to spin their wheels for decades at a time, never growing up while their body is growing old. It's a shame to see.