Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
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Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#2Or don't work with shallow, narrow-minded people?
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#3For emphasis, I would add, if a woman says, "I'm really scared and overwhelmed by this task" then it is possible that she is sharing too much. But managers should recall that she is perhaps simply trying to create a friendship. It isn't automatically an expression of a lack of confidence.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#4Or don't work with shallow, narrow-minded people?
In what sense shallow and narrow-minded?
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#5For emphasis, I would add, if a woman says, "I'm really scared and overwhelmed by this task" then it is possible that she is sharing too much. But managers should recall that she is perhaps simply trying to create a friendship. It isn't automatically an expression of a lack of confidence.
I would add that to be true for anyone. Some people are just more tentative and less likely to be sure about things.
Not everyone believes they have to be uber resolute in their statements.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#6Or don't work with shallow, narrow-minded people?
Sure, if you can ensure that you'll do that for your entire career and that you'll never be in a position where vulnerability has made you (perceptually or otherwise) a weaker candidate than your rival for a particular job, contract, or promotion.
The calculus is simple: do you gain more in your career by openly sharing everything, or by holding in reserve that which doesn't need to be shared?
It is always - always - to your benefit to be the advantaged party in any relationship with an information asymmetry. By over-sharing or not exercising discretion, you are voluntarily putting yourself in the disadvantaged position and should reasonably expect that position to be exploited by others around you at some point.
If you can avoid ever needing to transact with anyone that would exploit that asymmetry, more power to you. I'd wager that exceptionally few people have that luxury.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#7If you make yourself vulnerable, a competitor can exploit it.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#8Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. It's written somewhat in response to another article by a millennial wanting her older colleagues to share more.
Part of that is quoted in this article, including this passage:
> Most of my new colleagues are at least 10 years my senior. Several of them have children, spouses, and mortgages. They are adults. Comparatively, I am a child.
This really hits home, because I'm on the flip side of this now. In my current role I'm a lead on a team and am one of the oldest team members (late 30s). Most of my coworkers are 10 years my junior, so it's weird structuring conversations that don't involve in-depth discussion of kids and spouses and homes and school, etc. Not that it's all I want to talk about, but it is a pretty common place to go to when you're talking over lunch in the cafeteria. Now more of my conversations are back in the beer, sports, and video games realm, which I also enjoy, but it's just different.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#9There is a backlash to this ancient mode of thinking. It's called Conscious Leadership and it's predicated on the idea that vulnerability brings better results and that you need a safe environment for the dynamic to flourish. Some of it sounds very new-agey but from what I've read and experienced it has really good fundamentals.
Re: Discretion still matters – don’t hurt your career by sharing too much
#10Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. It's written somewhat in response to another article by a millennial wanting her older colleagues to share more. Part of that is quoted in this article, including this passage: > Most of my new colleagues are at least 10 years my senior. Several of them have children, spouses, and mortgages. They are adults. Comparatively, I am a child. This really hits home,…
I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago.
I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years.
My other team mates are 38-55. Have kids, some even grandkids.
While I can relate to alot of things, I can't stand their constant discussions about their kids and other family stuff... I just can't relate.(edit: not that I can't relate really, I just can't stand their constant distractions with home life... We all have issues, you might need a place to vent but work shouldn't be it. Go talk to a colleague in a discreet area not openly in professional work settings)
It really disrupts me that I either have to super zone out (which I am good at) or leave my desk constantly.
We have a open seating area with low wall shared cubicles... Which makes it worse.
While I have family issues, I don't discuss them openly at work with everyone.
I am friendly, but don't open up... If you talk to me, I will talk back and seem interested, but it's really in one ear and out the other.
When it comes up to recommend or commend a colleague, it's not the work that comes into focus... You remember all these tidbits, and factor in determining that recommendation.
Person works hard but may be unreliable because of X happening. Person is only here to talk about Y, rather than working hard. Person only comes to work, to get away from Z.
I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible.
Others come for an escape from their home lives and share about it all day.
I have colleagues in other departments that feel the same way that are older, but just don't discuss family in detail at work.
In office politics, sharing can help at times being more friendly with management... But I make up for it in hard effort, top numbers.. and when it comes to review time its my work that shines.
One colleague shared alot about his personal life, and only lost out on a job cause the hiring manager felt the guy had too many personal issues. (Manager told me in confidence).
He is a hard worker, but has a stigma of being a weirdo for sharing so much of his family life.