Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

I'm not even going to write about how this applies to hackers and why it could be a good lesson.

I really just want to say: "that was nice to read".

Thanks for sharing. With articles like this I really gain a lot by being able to picture faces to the names used.

> 1. Deny you're calling your husband childish while comparing him to a child.

She was using that as a metaphor. Using an image with which everyone (or at least most people) can identify. Being angry/upset with yourself (or just your situation) and taking it out on others is not something that is restricted to childhood. The metaphor works better in terms of describing the method of dealing with it (i.e. ignoring it, and not allowing the other person to drag you into what is their personal problem).

> 2. Proclaim that you're impervious to abuse by touting your toughness as if those in abusive relationships are not physically tough enough.

When people speak of physical abuse, the usual retort is that one is 'tough enough' to defend his or herself, even if the reality is that people in abusive situations are really emotionally weak/co-dependent. Most people that are trying to 'prove' to others that they are impervious to abuse are usually trying to display something that can be seen/evaluated by others so as to be interpreted as 'proof.' They are not usually thinking about the flip-side (the implication that people that do 'allow' themselves to be abused are lacking these traits).

> 3. Highlight your suffering martyrdom as much as possible while claiming that you refuse to suffer.

This was the only part that I found mildly annoying. She repeats "I will not suffer," while talking about the ways in which she was suffering, but trying to get on with her life. It may be a good internal motto to use in such times, but in reality she was suffering.

I don't think she is comparing him to a child. I think she is saying that sometimes people behave badly because they lack the ability to understand and/or express what is really bothering them. A toddler having a tantrum is the canonical example of this, and has the advantage of having a large body of literature that explains how to deal with it, but if you think about it for more than a minute there are legions of adult examples.

I did find the litany of toughness a bit grating, but clearly it is something that she needed to convince herself of, never mind other people.

I think the article has some value as a parable, almost, that shows the value in not taking things personally.

Yes, a very nice read.