How to listen when you disagree
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How to listen when you disagree
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Re: How to listen when you disagree
#2That was hard to read! I mean that literally, the spacing was weird.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#3[deleted]
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#4This is excellent. I think if there is one thing that might actually happen that could make the world a better place, it would be if people listened to each other more.
A couple of hints. One is that I think the easiest way to start doing this is to practice active listening, which is just saying back to the other person the main ideas and feelings they are expressing. This a simple rule, though it can be hard to follow. Active listening forces you to pay attention, and it shows the other person you are understanding, plus if you get something wrong they can correct you.
The other is that when you are arguing disagreeing with someone and they won't listen to you, try listening to them until they feel understood, and they will probably be more interesting in listening to you. Or perhaps the two of you could first reach an agreement that both of you will listen to the other until they feel understood, and then decide which of you will be the first talker.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#5Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding.
After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise.
To this woman, it doesn't matter that someone had to make the painful choice to have an abortion. They don't care why. The act itself is morally unjustifiable.
That is their belief.
There is no room for compromise in a belief system like that.
The same is true when you look at debates about gun control, climate change, etc.
So, sure, listening and understanding is an important first step.
But in a world where we are actively encouraged to conflate facts and beliefs (see: Trumpiness), and where beliefs are so starkly polarized into black-and-white, good-and-evil, how can we have productive conversations on level ground that lead to compromise? We can't even decide which facts are actually facts!
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#6Great read. Reminds me of a book I read recently, Difficult Conversations, where my key takeaway was to do everything I can to understand the other person, and make sure they understand me. Then we can work together towards a resolution.
The authors uses the term "Learning conversation" which I really liked. To highlight that you're there to first and foremost, understand them, before judging or criticizing or whatever else.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#7Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…
So hey, why bother trying, right?
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#8Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…
So hey, why bother trying, right?
Or you could provide a counter-argument so we can have a discussion.
Kinda making my point for me. :)
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#9Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…
I was going to comment something similar. This woman and her story make me think that trying to change her opinion on abortions would be wasted effort. She spent her entire life hating women who can have babies. You can scrub all you want, but grime that thick ain't coming off.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#10Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…
Sometimes compromise isn't the goal. Sometimes the goal is just to eventually find a way to do something that not everyone will agree with while not completely alienating the dissenters.
You don't have to agree with something to be willing to support it. (I've lost track of the number of times I've said "I'm not sure this is the best option here, but doing nothing would be worse, so let's try your plan." Or vice versa.)
Not every decision needs to be based on consensus, but that doesn't mean the only other option is to ignore everyone else.