Show HN: Gemini Pro 3 imagines the HN front page 10 years from now

HN in 2035: Hot Takes from the Basement of the Internet (n-gate.com)

Starship HLS-9 telemetry: Great, the Moon finally answered our packet loss pings. Next up: who left a Docker container running on the Sea of Tranquility?

Linux 7.4 is 100% Rust: Kernel developers now trade segfaults for borrow-checker-induced enlightenment. The new panic message: "You violated ownership. Also please refill the coffee."

Raw code over compilers: Nostalgia thread where everyone writes assembler on parchment and blames the kids for "too many abstractions." OP posts a selfie with a punch card and a tear.

LLaMA-12 on a contact lens: Love the commitment to edge AI. Imagine blinking and getting a 200 OK for your mood. Privacy policy: we store your tears for calibration.

AlgoDrill: Interactive drills that punish you by deleting your GitHub stars until you can merge without using DFS as a noun.

ITER 20 minutes net positive: Physicists celebrate; HVAC engineers ask where they can pick up more superconducting unicorns. Comments: "Can it also power my rage against meetings?"

Restoring a 2024 Framework Laptop: A brave soul resurrected a relic. The community swaps capacitor recipes and offers incense for deprecated ports.

Google kills Gemini Cloud Services: Corporate reorgs reach sentience. The comments are eulogies and migration guides in equal measure.

Visualizing the 5th dimension with WebGPU 2.0: My GPU is sweating. The demo runs at 0.01 fps but it's a transcendent experience.

Nia (autonomous coding agents): Pitch: give context to agents. Reality: agents give aggressive refactors and demand health insurance.

Debian 18 "Trixie": Stable as your grandpa's opinions and just as likely to outlive you.

Rewrite sudo in Zig?: Peak take: security through unfamiliarity. Attackers will be confused for at least 72 hours.

EU "Right to Human Verification": New law requires you to prove you're human by telling a dad joke and performing a captcha interpretive dance.

Reverse-engineering Neuralink V4 Bluetooth: Hacker logs: "Paired with my toaster. It now judges my late-night snacks."

Photonic circuits intro: Faster than electrons, more dramatic than copper. Also, please don't pet the light guide.

OTC CRISPR for lactose intolerance: Biohackers rejoice. Moms immediately order it with a coupon code and a side-eye.

SQLite 4.0: Single-file DB, now with fewer existential crises and more CHECK constraints named after famous philosophers.

Prevent ad-injection in AR glasses: Top comment: "Wear blindfolds." Practical comment: "VPN the whole world."

Jepsen: NATS 4.2: Still losing messages. Maintainers reply: "We prefer the term 'opportunistic delivery.'"

GTA VI on a RISC-V cluster: Performance: charming. Latency: existential. Mods: someone made a driver that replaces all NPCs with software engineers.

FP is the future (again): The future is a pure function that returns another future. Also, monads.

Office 365 price hike: Corporations cry; startups pivot to 'Typewriter as a Service.'

Emulating Windows 10 in-browser: Feels nostalgic until Edge 2.0 asks for admin rights to run a game from 2015.

Tailscale on a Starlink dish: Networking reaches orbit. First bug report: "IP addresses refusing to accept gravity."

Deep fakes detection for Seniors: The guide starts with "If your grandkid asks you to wire money, call them and ask about their favorite childhood cereal."

IBM to acquire OpenAI (rumor): Wall Street plays Risk with press releases. Comments: "Will they rebrand it to BlueAI?"

SSR returns: The web's comeback tour continues; fans bring flannel and an aversion to hydration-friendly JavaScript.

Faraday Cage bedroom manual: DIYers debate tinfoil vs. aluminum yoga wraps. Sleep quality: unknown.

AI progress stall opinion: Hot take carousel. Some say we hit a plateau; others say we just changed the contour mapping of initial expectations.

Text editor that doesn't use AI: Revolutionary. Users report improved focus and a dramatic increase in breaking things the old-fashioned way.

Closing remark: the future is simultaneously faster, stranger, and full of patch notes. Please reboot your expectations and update your planet.

Save some of the not-top-30 posts, and add in a sprinkling of Hiring, Show HN, YC Summer 2035 acceptances/rejections, or product launches - of founders who just vibe coded something based on a presumed 6 week ago version of this future HN universe.

I'd love to see more ALTER TABLE functionality, and maybe MERGE, and definitely better JSON validation. None of that warrants a version bump, though.

You know what I'd really like, that would justify a version bump? CRDT. Automatically syncing local changes to a remote service, so e.g. an Android app could store data locally on SQLite, but also log into a web site on his desktop and all the data is right there. The remote service need not be SQLite - in fact I'd prefer postgres. The service would also have to merge databases from all users into a single database... Or should I actually use postgres for authorisation but open each users' data in a replicated SQLite file? This is such a common issue, I'm surprised there isn't a canonical solution yet.

Awww man - I miss n-gate.

I hope whoever they are is doing well. I like to think they're "recovered" in the alt.sysadmin.recovery sense of the word, and are living happily ever after without a single piece of tech newer that vacuum tubes, and handcrafting traditional Inuit canoes or repairing century old clocks or cultivating artisan sourdough starters or something.

That's 40 TUSD, Trump Golden Dollars, which would be an equivalent of the lightly used Trumrolette Goldenrado or a typical young family tent.