Here's a way to encrypt something with an actual timelock, which works because physics. More specifically, it works because there is a maximum speed that information can travel through space: the speed of light. Step 1: Generate a large number of named public/private keypairs and put the private keys on a spacecraft. Also give the spacecraft a communication system and a long-lived RTG (an energy source getting its en…
> Inspired by the TOR network. Because it has such high delays? Basically revealing the information which the onion service or exit node encrypted for you only after, potentially, a few trips around the globe? That makes me think this can be achieved without spacecraft, by just having geographically distributed private keys (even just a few kilometers; you just need the light delays to dominate over processing delays…
Your other critiques are all valid. There's still a lower bound on the total time required for full decryption. I was just trying to show that that is possible.