Unrelated to your copy, but you probably want to center your background image and set your background color to black, because above 1280x1024 it looks broken (I'm at 1680x1050).
Show HN: Read my semi-stealth copy
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Re: Show HN: Read my semi-stealth copy
#12I think this is might be too stealth. I checked out the site and I still have no clue what your company is doing.
I have to agree with too stealth. You are trying to generate interest by getting people to think. The problem is that most web surfers don't want to think. And you have to realize that the people on this forum from whom you are asking advice generally like to think and solve puzzles. I'd suggest getting some feedback via feedbackroulette.com to help round out your survey.