Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#1

Post by blergh123 » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 7:58 PM UTC

I'm a Software Engineer and I often want to work on side projects and cool ideas I have, and I'll often get started but then at some point I start the negative talk - 'you're not good enough to do this', 'you don't know what you're doing', 'this isn't good practice', 'this won't work' etc.

I was wondering how others deal with this negative talk and self doubt. I try to shut it down when it starts up but I can never truly shake it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#2

Post by walterbell » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 8:11 PM UTC

Pre-empt negativity by using positive words/sounds/images from stories of other people who have achieved comparable goals, facing comparable challenges. Thoughts follow action, so take a positive action, any action, instead of trying to fight negative thoughts.

An example interview, http://mixergy.com/interviews/slicehost-how-a-goal-setting-b...

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#3

Post by jorgecurio » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 8:18 PM UTC

Imagine if those negative words were coming from someone else.

Imagine how hard you would fight to prove them all wrong.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#4

Post by quantisan » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 8:26 PM UTC

Quite related, this article about Imposter Syndrome has been passing around the past couple days: http://valbonneconsulting.wordpress.com/2014/08/16/the-impos...

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#5

Post by hkon » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 9:50 PM UTC

You are not your code, even though a lot of people will try and convince you otherwise, EVEN YOU!

Just write shit that makes you happy, side projects are about exploring and having fun.

Often times the negative Nancy voice is right when he is talking to me. I often don't know what I am doing, I write horrible stuff all the time that does not work!

Realize this though, you are in control. Whenever those thoughts appear you actually have a choice, listen to them or say no.

By listening to them you will never get anywhere, you will constantly second guess yourself and tweak minor details that can be changed easily at a later time. Your free time is limited, you have to cut corners to see significant progress. Once you realize that everything is a compromise, it gets easier.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#6

Post by wturner » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 11:01 PM UTC

I have this problem to a very bad degree and I deal with it through brute force. I recently broke my elbow and was put briefly on hydrocodone and it had a side effect of serving as a "miracle" anti depressant. I finished my first node.js app while on it which I had put off for months because I hit a "you're never going to figure this out" road block. The fluency by which I was working while on the hydrocodone was like night and day and couldn't believe that life could be that "in the moment" and fluent. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and everything just 'connected'.But of course it was a drug and I couldn't stay on it. I haven't found a way to deal with these issues so I'm curious about the responses to this thread.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#7

Post by theoh » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 11:02 PM UTC

If it is a long-term problem, there are therapies you can try. The standard-issue therapy I have encountered is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which you can do by yourself. It is not, however, an in-depth, psychodynamic therapy in the psychoanalytic tradition, so you won't be unearthing profound insights into your personality. The focus is on specific symptoms and quick results. In spite of those limitations it might be worth trying. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#8

Post by DanBC » Sun, Aug 17, 2014, 11:07 PM UTC

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is excellent for this kind of thinking.

It is supposed to be a short focussed course - 8 hours for mild to moderate depression, for example.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#9

Post by porker » Mon, Aug 18, 2014, 7:35 AM UTC

wturner wrote: post #6

I have this problem to a very bad degree and I deal with it through brute force. I recently broke my elbow and was put briefly on hydrocodone and it had a side effect of serving as a "miracle" anti depressant. I finished my first node.js app while on it which I had put off for months because I hit a "you're never going to figure this out" road block. The fluency by which I was working while on the hydrocodone was lik…

hydrocodone sounds amazing!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk?

#10

Post by wernercuzco » Mon, Aug 18, 2014, 10:02 PM UTC

Just remember that some of the most successful and influential people like Steve Jobs, Linus Torwards started their projects without enough qualifications and without knowing what they are doing. They just wanted to create something and went for it.

I suggest reading listening personal history of the these tech pioneers