Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#1

Post by wensing » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 5:05 AM UTC

This is based on the Marc Andreessen pitch dissected here: http://venturehacks.com/articles/elevator-pitch

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Briefly, Stormpulse is intuitive weather display. We tame complex weather data and visualize it in context. Other weather sites begin with maps and add weather data. We craft weather-centered presentations that foster understanding. And we're piloting the world's first human-consensus forecasting system. Check us out at: http://stormpulse.com.

We're building Stormpulse to reduce the costs of severe weather, which effects millions worldwide.

Our weather maps have regularly appeared on CNN and are displayed on 750+ websites, from media sites such as USA Today and ThomsonReuters to intranets at places like Boeing and the Mayo Clinic. Since August 2008, our site has been visited over 18 million times, with over 60% of those visits coming direct. Hundreds of thousands of those visits are from decision-makers at Fortune 100 companies in the energy, defense, and transportation industries.

Before Stormpulse, Brad and I wrote software that automated the presentation of rich catalog content for a distributor of over 400,000 products.

We're making money and are ready to fuel the growth of Stormpulse with funding from smart, qualified, passionate investors. We're starting to contact interested parties, and would love to show your group what we're building.

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#2

Post by wooby » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 5:16 AM UTC

I like it. Although I think you were going for "affects."

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#3

Post by wensing » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 5:17 AM UTC

wooby wrote: post #2

I like it. Although I think you were going for "affects."

Yes, thank you.

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#4

Post by jakecarpenter » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 5:43 AM UTC

I like it, but saying "Check us out at www..." at the end of the first paragraph seems like a tacky segue. Maybe move it to the end of the 3rd paragraph?

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#5

Post by raghus » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 5:57 AM UTC

Stormpulse.com is intuitive weather display. We tame complex weather data and visualize it in context. Other weather sites begin with maps and add weather data. We craft weather-centered presentations that foster understanding. And we're piloting the world's first human-consensus forecasting system.

We're building Stormpulse to reduce the costs of severe weather, which affects millions worldwide.

Our weather maps have regularly appeared on CNN and are displayed on 750+ websites, from media sites such as USA Today and ThomsonReuters to intranets at places like Boeing and the Mayo Clinic. We've averaged over a million visits each month for the past one year. Hundreds of thousands of our visitors are decision-makers at Fortune 100 companies in the energy, defense, and transportation industries.

Before Stormpulse, we wrote software that automated the presentation of rich catalog content for a distributor of over 400,000 products.

We're making money and are ready to fuel the growth of Stormpulse with funding from smart, qualified and passionate investors. We're starting to contact interested parties, and would love to show you what we're building.

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#6

Post by hooande » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 6:12 AM UTC

jakecarpenter wrote: post #4

I like it, but saying "Check us out at www..." at the end of the first paragraph seems like a tacky segue. Maybe move it to the end of the 3rd paragraph?

Actually I've heard that it was good email etiquette to include a link in the first paragraph where applicable. It allows the reader evaluate the product/service on their own, then come back for the sales pitch.

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#7

Post by TheJester » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 6:21 AM UTC

I agree with jakecarpenter, leave out the URL plug - interested parties can Google. I'd also drop the "Briefly," from the front end, it weakens the whole phrase. The actual length of the pitch speaks for its own brevity.

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#8

Post by dbul » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 6:35 AM UTC

Check out Dave McClure's advice on the pitch if you haven't already:

http://500hats.typepad.com/500blogs/2009/08/your-solution-is...

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#9

Post by patio11 » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 6:35 AM UTC

TheJester wrote: post #7

I agree with jakecarpenter, leave out the URL plug - interested parties can Google. I'd also drop the "Briefly," from the front end, it weakens the whole phrase. The actual length of the pitch speaks for its own brevity.

interested parties can Google.

Interested parties have better things to do with their time than fix the bugs you introduced into your own elevator pitch. Lack of a prominent call to action is a bug, not a feature.

Give them a link front and center. (I would personally link to a specially prepared landing page, not the front page. If they've demonstrated enough interest to click then they just might be interested in stepping through a brief guided tour.)

Re: Ask HN: Review our elevator pitch (Stormpulse)

#10

Post by wensing » Thu, Sep 10, 2009, 7:01 AM UTC

raghus wrote: post #5

Stormpulse.com is intuitive weather display. We tame complex weather data and visualize it in context. Other weather sites begin with maps and add weather data. We craft weather-centered presentations that foster understanding. And we're piloting the world's first human-consensus forecasting system. We're building Stormpulse to reduce the costs of severe weather, which affects millions worldwide. Our weather maps hav…

The problem with the each month aspect is that we have obviously had months that were extremely busy and others that were quite tame. Is that intellectually dishonest then, or not?