Ask HN: 40yo adult learning to drive what is different vs. learning young?

Definitely hire a driving instructor. From my friend’s description learning to drive in NYC (specifically Brooklyn) was far more stressful than when I did so as a teen in the 80s (rural Indiana and suburban Chicago). But they passed the driving test on their first try.

If possible find a friend who will let you do some low key driving with them in parking lots or suburbia before tackling the BQE or the LIE. My friend was a bit surprised to have to drive on both in their second or third class. It’s not absolutely necessary but if you’ve never driven it helps to get a bit of the feel (like, learning how the braking distance changes depending on speed is a lot easier in an empty parking lot than on Atlantic Avenue mid–afternoon).

My only advice as an aging driver is people are far more aggressive post Covid. Pre–Covid I felt that you had to be on your “A” game driving in Manhattan and downtown Brooklyn or the highways but people generally let you merge, didn’t tailgate constantly. There were always assholes of course, but they seem to have multiplied since 2020.

I would say meditate on possessing situational awareness super-powers that kick in to override impulsivity. When it comes to lane changes, merges, blending in, and coping with the unexpected, you need the capacity to take in a lot of situational information and fluidly integrate it into a set of actions in a way that becomes part of your muscle memory behind the wheel.

For example, not to be simplistic or patronizing, but if a dog jumps out at you, evade it, don't waste any time on the thought that a dog has jumped out at you.

It probably took me longer than most people to learn how to competently scan everything you need to quickly while driving -- check the road, check your speed, check you're centered in the lane, check you're on the right path, think about which lane you should be in right now, check for stop signs or a red light, check for brake lights ahead of you to know to start slowing down for stopped traffic, and so on, repeated all the time, not getting distracted, eventually doing it without thinking about it consciously.

In retrospect, practicing those "n-back games" might help someone who doesn't have anything currently in their life requiring that same level of detailed attention, multitasking, and internal clock for moving between tasks.

But I didn't have any accidents and got there in the end. Totally comfortable driving now.

I started learning when I moved from NYC to San Diego (where driving is not optional). I don't envy you learning in NYC. You might consider avoiding any bad weather driving until you're very comfortable in good weather, and staying away from known places with aggressive driving too, which possibly includes all of Manhattan.