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Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

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Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#3

Post by sharemywin »

The biggest advice I could give is "there are no short cuts" and even if there are it takes way too long to find them.

if you want more money work on getting a marketable skill. preferably something you don't mind doing.

"life's a marathon not a sprint" so work at getting better at the skill everyday. It's not going to happen overnight but so what. it's not a competition.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#4

Post by purpleblue »

First step is to forgive yourself. You might feel a lot of shame and blame yourself for being in this situation and that shame is counter productive. So first thing you do is wipe the slate clean emotionally and mentally. Without this step, you will keep getting off track. Accept the situation you're in mentally, but know that hard work can get you out of most situations.

Next step is set goals and do whatever it takes to meet those goals, no matter how small they are. The more goals you accomplish, the more you'll realize you can do it. Then set larger and larger goals, but make sure they're going in the right direction. Also understand that all you can do is put in the effort, and the outcome is out of your control. Sometimes the outcomes are great, sometimes the outcomes are not, but don't kick yourself over the outcomes as long as you put in the effort.

For me, it was in my early 30s. I had a shitty job, I went through a divorce, I was so fat I couldn't walk up stairs without losing my breath. I thought that being in my 30s there's no way I could recover by finding a girlfriend/wife because all of the good ones were taken. I spent about one month feeling sorry for myself, playing video games all day and then I decided that was it. I found a new job, I lost weight, I went to school and changed the trajectory of my life. I accepted that I was at fault for my part in the divorce, I said I would be a better person and forgave myself and moved on. I left the past in the past, and just looked forward to the future. Over the next ~20 years, I got better jobs, got married, had kids, etc.

One step at a time, and if you put in an honest effort, then learn to celebrate each win no matter how small, and move forward. You can do it!

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#5

Post by theossuary »

I imagine life like a chain sometimes. With many strong links representing a happy and healthy life. When you have multiple broken links though, you tend to feel lost and broken. Fixing one broken link doesn't do anything, they all need to be fixed (at least somewhat) before you can notice real progress.

But, people tend to have an idea of what needs fixing. The issue is motivation tends to fall off because you don't see progress without a lot of change, and we tend not to see our own progress as clearly as others.

Make relationships you can count on. Try to make every day a non-zero day. Be kind to yourself, if you can't be the parent you needed for yourself, try to be the friend you needed.

Find a therapist. Like most things, having a professional's help will speed things up immeasurably.

Best of luck, it may be the hardest thing you do, but it's worth it.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#9

Post by kleer001 »

I just kept going, did what I needed to do, stopped doing unnecessary shit and hit the pavement running. I never had enough self consciousness to not believe in myself.

It took a while. Day to day I worked as hard as I could then stopped after work hours and did little on the weekends (though I don't know how that would work these days, I was cold calling people).

I ate as cheap and healthy as I could and exercised as much as I could, lots of walks.

This was back in the early 2000's so the internet was shit and I couldn't lose myself there. These days I'd advise 0.00 leisure internet. No news, no forums, no social media. No fucking around.

This is an existential moment, very thin margins, high speed, no guard rails, this is adult shit.

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