Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

People wise, as I grow older, I seem to like keeping people at a distance i.e meet them in person and go out for food at most once a year and no contact beyond that. Beyond that distance, people tire me, bore me. I seem to have no interest in getting to know them better other than while conversing during that one meetup/year. I actively dislike people who try to keep in touch all the time and want to grow closer. Was wondering if anyone else is like this?

I can relate to this. For me, I think it comes from a combination of wanting meaningful conversation (which doesn’t need to happen too frequently because you run out of meaningful things to discuss), having minimal interest in networking based on where I’m at in my career, having less time for frivolous meetups because I have many work and family obligations and want more time to myself, appreciating other things like spending time in nature and wanting to devote more time there, and being more discerning about who I spend time with.

It may change again, and perhaps there will be a point where I want to see people more frequently and frivolously. But right now, I have a strong urge similar to what you describe.

This is modeled really well by personality type theory. For example, you can model groups with two broad systems of feeling: Interpersonal relating, energy, and signaling vs. Personal values/interests-focus, uniqueness, & authenticity.

You are demonstrating the latter, describing in an authentic way how you are bored/disinterested by the former. People in the same group usually have a "bad boy" side that comes out if it's dragged too much by the interpersonally-smooth camp.

Note that there are attendant blind spots, e.g. diplomatic language & technique, which is sometimes really wise to use, is generally found more in the first group than in the second. Also, one might feel pressure from a third party to act inauthentically, and tow a party line, and then later explode in some inappropriate way because hey--that's BS!

Not everybody likes to hear about it, but a great way to succeed in a world of people on both sides of this divide is to find a way to use the best of both sides when appropriate for the situation. Preferably planning those moves when some patience is available...

Can you specify the typology you got this from?

In saying "can model" it's really more of a subjective treatment, not so much referring to any particular object.

There are many typologies, easily hundreds, which go into these topics at different levels and in different ways. JCFs in general are a pretty common element in this kind of modeling within personality type.

You used the "typology" rainbow word, which is more than I'm used to reading here, but I'm not sure what kind of experience you're in it for. A friend made one of those once maybe, or you sense a given system to critique because you recognize the the sound of it being related, or a new type-thing to learn about, hell yeah that's your day job, or just familiar with the word typology, etc.