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Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

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Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#1

Post by nonasktell »

I've always struggled to make friends, in college I've managed to befriend a few like-minded weirdos after a year or two of loneliness, but all of that fell apart after the first covid lockdowns, we all split all over the country or just lost contact.

The only people I could consider friends are living in places that I do not wish to ever get back to.

And I actually plan on moving again, because my current city is getting on my nerves.

My only social interactions for the last 2 or 3 years, were hookups/short flings, but no friendship or parties of any kind.

How do you manage to build a new social circle every time?

Re: Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#2

Post by gregjor »

To start, don't think in terms of "building a social circle," that sounds like a chore or an experiment. You want to meet more people so you can make friends. You do that organically, by putting yourself in situations where you might meet someone you like. Those situations depend on your age, interests, and the place you live.

If you have trouble meeting people or maintaining a friendship you might want to get therapy. Or try joining Toastmasters to get over shyness. Don't worry about meeting people just like you, with the same interests ("like-minded weirdos"). You get over shyness by imagining a not-shy version of yourself and acting that out. After a while that becomes second nature.

Act like a good friend, show concern for your friends, make time for them. Don't do everything over social media. Use your phone to call people to maintain connections. Try hobbies and activities that will put you in group situations. Laugh and have fun, try new things.

Re: Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#3

Post by algoatecorn »

In my opinion the best way to make friends is be the person that "makes friends everywhere you go". There is huge benefit to learning more about peoples' lives, even if you never see that person again.

Regardless of what some people may say, it's normal to strike up a conversation with a random person (in the US at least). Just do that with more people and you'll eventually find good friends.

Re: Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#5

Post by soueuls »

I try to be useful in my local community.

I was living in a condo in Thailand and noticed there were many designers. I offered my help on the WhatsApp conversation to make a free workshop about AI generated images, because I thought many designers might not know about it but gain something valuable from it.

After the workshop we just naturally went to grab some beers.

I like to give free and fun programming courses for kids to get them interested in science. Of course these kids come with their parents, or siblings, etc.

I don’t want to quote the Bible, but just try to be useful, entertaining, tell good stories, or just be easy to be around.

If you work from home, do something unexpected once a week (it could literally be anything : I became friend with a prostitute in Phuket, because I was reading Don Quichotte earlier this year. I did not want to read from my place, so I just decided to head for the closest bar, order a cold beer or two and enjoy my classic. Few of them came to engage the conversation because the bar was almost empty because of Covid, I treated them as absolutely normal people, we just ended up shared life stories until late into the night, practicing English, talking about which part of the world we would like to visit)

We are still regularly meeting to grab a coffee or do free diving.

You can make friends with pretty much anyone (especially in big cities, you are not the only one feeling isolated)

Re: Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#8

Post by MuffinFlavored »

algoatecorn wrote: post #3

In my opinion the best way to make friends is be the person that "makes friends everywhere you go". There is huge benefit to learning more about peoples' lives, even if you never see that person again. Regardless of what some people may say, it's normal to strike up a conversation with a random person (in the US at least). Just do that with more people and you'll eventually find good friends.

i feel like it isn’t a realistic expectation to expect somebody to come out of their comfort zone and be somebody they aren’t (“be the person that …”)

Re: Ask HN: How do you build a social circle as a remote worker/nomad in a new city?

#9

Post by nonasktell »

MuffinFlavored wrote: post #8
algoatecorn wrote: post #3

In my opinion the best way to make friends is be the person that "makes friends everywhere you go". There is huge benefit to learning more about peoples' lives, even if you never see that person again. Regardless of what some people may say, it's normal to strike up a conversation with a random person (in the US at least). Just do that with more people and you'll eventually find good friends.

i feel like it isn’t a realistic expectation to expect somebody to come out of their comfort zone and be somebody they aren’t (“be the person that …”)

I'm not that afraid to go out of my comfort zone

but if I spontaneously talked to random people there is a good chance they'd see me as a dangerous lunatic given how weird I can be lol

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