Ask HN: No one talks about hackers' relationships. What has worked for you?

#1

Post by threwawey » Sat, Jul 30, 2022, 5:41 AM UTC

Keeping it short to avoid making you bored:

How are dating and relationships different for programmers? What works and what doesn't? Where do people meet/find their SO? And how can expectations be adjusted on both sides?

As a programmer, I obviously enjoy my coding and getting lost in computers. But I think it'd be naive to think that programmers don't have other needs as well, e.g., emotional/intimacy/etc. Yet, this aspect of our life is barely mentioned on forums and in discussions.

I was hoping to get some thoughts on this and get some answers from my fellow HNers.

Re: Ask HN: No one talks about hackers' relationships. What has worked for you?

#2

Post by meesterdude » Sat, Jul 30, 2022, 5:57 AM UTC

recently diagnosed with aspbergers, which i'm sure a lot of computer/tech folk share. Per wikipedia:

    The syndrome was named after the Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger, who, in 1944, described children in his care who struggled to form friendships, did not understand others' gestures or feelings, engaged in one-sided conversations about their favorite interests, and were clumsy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

highlighting this because: I have struggled with relationships of all shapes and sizes, and i used to think it was a result of my own individual failings - but have come to understand that is simply part of my nature. That doesn't stop the struggling, but it does make it more to-be-expected.

Re: Ask HN: No one talks about hackers' relationships. What has worked for you?

#3

Post by liberia » Sat, Jul 30, 2022, 3:28 PM UTC

Tried Bumble, an app that can find local people to meet up with in your area. You can also use Bumble for dating, but in my case I just wanted some new friends. People back in the day just went to the local pub, but those days are over.