Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

I feel immense regret for a lot of things that I didn't do in my 20s. Always an academic person, I intentionally sacrificed many things to make progress in academia, and yet, it didn't always work.

Didn't go to parties; didn't date seriously; didn't enjoy most of my time; and didn't follow all my interests.

I've been a long time HN reader and I believe in the wisdom of the HN community. As someone who's still in academia (grad school), what do you think I should do? I feel like I owe myself a lot, and even though I'm in a relationship now, I can't stop thinking about the opportunities that I missed with girls when I was younger. I also think about dropping out of the PhD program and transitioning to the industry, maybe because I feel like I'll never be appreciated in academia and maybe because I feel like I need a new beginning.

You’re 30, you have your whole life ahead of you and you greatest achievements are likely going to come from work you haven’t even thought of yet.

Identify what you truly enjoy, people you like to be with and set goals you want to aspire to. Make sure you spend your next 10 years focused on those things.

Answering the question in the title is hard for me, but I can give you a side tip on this:

> I feel immense regret for a lot of things that I didn't do in my 20s.

First, it is natural to feel this way. It means you appreciate yourself and your time. Now, the past is past. No matter how much you think about what you did or didn't do, nothing will change your "lost time". The only thing you can change is your future, try to make better decissions using the wisdom you have gained.

Finally, if you fail to make the most out of your years to come, don't beat yourself. Failure is the basis for success. We all fail and we use the failures to succeed further down the road.

Also, keep a few close friends near you and love them :)

Don't beat yourself up. You can take a leave of absence or internship before completely dropping out. Take some time to try those things you think you missed out on. If after that, you may or may notfeel like returning to grad school. Some decisions take time and space to make.

I turn 30 in the summer. I feel immense regret for reasons I can’t really explain. I’ve been in the military (I felt like I belonged in the military more than any other place in life), I’ve had great jobs, made a lot of money, own a condo, am as “set” as I possibly could be at current job, have the ability to jump to other jobs.

Relationships haven’t been great, but also never really a problem or something I’ve overly desired. I do value some really close friends I’ve made through dating.

I don’t feel free.