Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 172 posts

Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#1

Post by lostgame »

Hi, HN. I’ve been here for a long time and I really respect the maturity and experience of this community, and so I’m asking for your advice.

I’m a 30-year-old iOS developer of about ten years, and last year suffered an incredible amount of trauma, including a breakup from a four-year relationship, two separate cases of sexual assault, and the passing of my mother.

While on an insured mental health break for months, I struggled through holding myself together, until finally returning to work in December.

I had been doing well for a while, but recently have been feeling significant mental instability - just disorganized and incoherent thoughts, and unfortunate bouts of overwhelming PTSD symptoms.

My coping method to that has been to try to hold my work together more and more, to a point late last week where I wasn’t even sleeping properly giving myself anxiety about work the next day.

I’ve fallen heavily behind on a lot of the personal responsibilities I’ve needed to ensure my continued healing but I’ve been terrified to step down from my job.

I live in Toronto, I’ve been with the company for more than a year, so I believe Employment Insurance would be possible for me...I’m honestly very confused as to what to do, and I’m sure others here have been in similar situations. I do have a medical professional who I deal with for this who I’ve scheduled to see tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, HN. This site has been a blessing in my life.

EDIT: Wow, thanks for all the support and responses, extremely grateful.

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#2

Post by Nursie »

1. Realise work is subservient to life, you work to enable life, not the other way around. As such re-evaluate and keep your goal in mind .

2. If work isn't taking you where you where you want to go and worse, if it's hurting you, you need to either find a new tack or different work. I know this is easy to say from a position of privilege, but would it be hard for you to change post or change company?

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#3

Post by j45 »

There is a possibility you could take a short term leave combined with a honest vacation where you do nothing but sit and collect dust. Time in nature without distraction is a big help I find.

I wish you all the best, remember to be nice to yourself as you are to others.

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#4

Post by lostgame »

Nursie wrote: post #2

1. Realise work is subservient to life, you work to enable life, not the other way around. As such re-evaluate and keep your goal in mind . 2. If work isn't taking you where you where you want to go and worse, if it's hurting you, you need to either find a new tack or different work. I know this is easy to say from a position of privilege, but would it be hard for you to change post or change company?

Firstly - thanks so much for your input.

Secondly - I’m concerned about the interim - I don’t want to leave my post here without having a plan. My company is amazing and treats me very well. I just recognize that unfortunately right now I’d certainly be better off in a position where I could work remotely more, for instance. I don’t know how possible or plausible that is. I’m in the process of figuring that out.

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#5

Post by Ididntdothis »

Do you do any psychological therapy? I don't think you can pull through such a crisis alone or by working hard. I have had similar situations in the past and I have learned that mental well-being is the most important thing. Trying to power through usually doesn't work.

Also: When I had trouble I was too embarrassed to tell anybody but actually talking about it is very therapeutical.

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#6

Post by spac »

Hang in there, friend. In my modest opinion, if you are not already (did not read it in the OP), you should seek the aid of a mental health professional as soon as possible. The problems you struggle with are real, and they are really hard to tackle alone.

I wish you all the best, and please write at the email in my profile if you feel the need to connect with someone.

Cheers, S

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#7

Post by lostgame »

j45 wrote: post #3

There is a possibility you could take a short term leave combined with a honest vacation where you do nothing but sit and collect dust. Time in nature without distraction is a big help I find. I wish you all the best, remember to be nice to yourself as you are to others.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of responsibility I’ve got to take care of, and a vacation is not an immediate option. I’m going to need to step up my mental health care in a serious way, and that will require staying in the city (Toronto).

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#8

Post by Simulacrum0 »

Sorry to read of your struggles. i nearly skipped to reading the next item of interest but i recall how important it can be to echo "hang in there, as bad as things get, know that life is cyclical and it will get better, given time, perseverance, and reflecting"...aka 'always darkest before dawn'.

I cannot advise on the job, but the sooner you can communicate your burnout/work-behind status, certainly the better to improving your day.

Re: Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

#9

Post by Blackstone4 »

That sounds awful. Sorry to hear that.

I'm not sure what to say...you've raised so many things. It might be worth spending time with friends, loved ones or a therapist to work through it.

One person once said, try and view yourself from outside yourself as a small child. Be compassionate to yourself and love yourself as though you were looking after that child. Go easy on yourself and sometimes it's better to take a break and re-build and come back stronger than possible cause injury by persisting.

I've been through some difficult periods and somethings worked for me like: spending time in nature, cutting out the things that caused pain in my life, doing sport and meditating.

Post reply on HN