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Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

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Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#1

Post by DollarGuru »

If I make a mistake at work and people are aware of it I am afraid that it reflects negatively on me more than the good things I do reflect positively.

That fear of making mistakes makes it difficult to appreciate constructive criticism. I do appreciate it on an intellectual level but on an emotional level I feel more fear than appreciation. That the risk is that making any mistake could cost me my livelihood.

I don't mean like imposter syndrome where someone doesn't believe they are capable at something they can do. I mean when someone makes a mistake that needs correcting and it could reflect poorly on their performance.

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#2

Post by riazrizvi »

People are motivated in different ways. From this question, I’d characterize a key motive for you is to be competent. Embrace it and get really good at your job. Try to find ways to remind yourself of your fears when you have free time, so that you can devote the time required to practice your craft. Enjoy your progress.

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#3

Post by bzbz »

Ask your manager what they think of your performance, where you could grow, how you're doing compared to what they expected.

You'll likely be pleasantly surprised. Just like people with general insecurities frequently underestimate their likable attributes, it seems you're doing the same, but with your level of competence.

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#6

Post by blankaccount »

fear of rejection - your manager hasnt made your workplace feel like a safe environment for you, or you havent expressed that you would like more validation. you’ll need to talk with your manager for this.

overly critical and ego driven perspective - how angry do you get at yourself for making mistakes outside of work? meditation and building a softer/less judgemental mind can work through this

lack of confidence in your ability to find another job - study up on interviewing, apply for some companies. create backup options for yourself.

fear of financial stability - like a previous poster said, it helps to have enough savings to weather any financial blips

fear of the unknown - improv classes are great at building confidence in yourself when dealing with unknown unknowns

just some ideas to work with

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#7

Post by greymeister »

Did you have the information necessary to make the correct decision? Most problems or failures I've encountered in software come to missing information much more often than any other reason. Having justifications for the decisions you reach given the information you had available should lead you to feeling confident in the actions you take. No one has all the pertinent information available at all times, and anyone who acts that way is disingenuous.

I believe it is human nature to put more emphasis on failure than success, but I also believe that people set themselves up for failure by assuming that their decisions are somehow flawed compared to others. Most decisions we make are based on incomplete information, so the only recourse is to build stating your justifications with your decisions so that others's may review them in the light of the information you had available.

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#8

Post by kylek »

If you're honestly trying to solve a problem, you should assume positive intent from the criticizers- they're on your side and just want the project as good as possible. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's great there are people there to catch them and glean experience from. Is it so critical that you're actually walking on the edge of a knife to keep your job? (If so, I'd probably look for something else- that's no way to live!)

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#9

Post by yesenadam »

Some vague advice from a non-expert:

It may well be a fact, for you and everyone else, that if you make a mistake at work and people are aware of it, it reflects negatively on you more than the good things you do reflect positively. It's human nature, to pay attention when things go wrong. And why shouldn't it? – hopefully, you do many more good things every day than bad things. This may just be a matter of facing reality. Do others similarly fear making mistakes? You could ask them about that.

What's the worst that could happen? Often it's good to imagine that, in detail, when you are just "fearing the worst" in some situation in life, without really facing it. Living with that fear every day, as you are, may itself be much worse than that supposed "worst thing". Losing that job may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you–who knows. Also, strong enough fear of mistakes will actually cause you to make mistakes. Find self-help books on the subject or get some psychological counselling if it's a serious problem for you. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: How do you work with the fear of your own incompetence?

#10

Post by cbanek »

> If I make a mistake at work and people are aware of it I am afraid that it reflects negatively on me more than the good things I do reflect positively.

I think this is just how you think about yourself, because everyone is their own worst critic (myself included). The things you do right last a lot longer I'm sure than your mistakes. Unless you like, killed someone, or broke some incredibly expensive thing, etc. But then you'd probably be fired already.

Mistakes happen when you try something new. I think the most important thing is to manage your risk - what happens when you screw up? Hopefully the impact of mistakes is small.

As anecdata, I always really admire people who can say "look, I screwed up, and this is how I screwed up. Now you can learn from my mistake and maybe not screw up." Owning it I think is key. I'm not saying it's easy though.

One thing to be mindful of is a toxic, petty workplace. Even some large FANG companies are like this, where everyone is looking for reasons to try to hold you back even though they don't mean anything, it's just to make them look good. I got tired of that shit, and so I'm done with cultures like that. People end up spending so much time stabbing each other in the back they rarely get work done. When in a situation like that, make nice with the decision makers, and just remember the best revenge is success (and best served cold to your enemies). Don't even bother trying to woo jerks with your success.

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