I wonder what's the best/recommended way to prepare for being a first time parent?
Any recommended books/blogs/videos... ?
Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
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Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#2Having a first child can be an incredibly stressful and confusing time. I think the best preparation is to have a solid support network ready to support you and your family while you adjust to your new life.
In my city, there is a nonprofit that connects groups of parents of newborns together so they can process the crazy stuff that's happening in their lives. I would heartily recommend finding this kind of support to any new parent. https://www.peps.org/
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#3Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings.
This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, and why you shouldn't take parenting authorities too seriously.
It's also helpful to know when comparing yourself and your kids to other couples with kids. The worst is parents of a single kid with an easy disposition. They can sometimes be judgy and wonder why you don't just do what they did, because clearly they are amazing parents, and you are failing hard.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#4Not sure where you're from but I enjoyed Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. It's all about French style parenting as she's an American raising her children in France.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#5There's a great series of books called 'What To Expect' ... When Expecting, The First Year, etc. They are an awesome resource.
Other than that I wouldn't over think or analyze preparation too much. You'll be surprised how much instinct kicks in and you just know what needs to be done. Just do it!
If you have multiple kids, they'll all be different and it can take some time to figure out what works and doesn't with each one.
It's a fun journey. I'll never forget the first night home with our first born. It was just us and her and it was quite a shock to the system. But you learn quick!
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#6There’s nothing that can prepare you. Just take a deep breath, enjoy it, and don’t overprepare.
One piece of advice though: ask for help. Don’t be shy. Western culture prizes independence. This is not a time for independence. Ask the grandparents to help even if they don’t offer it. Pay for babysitting. Get lots of help. It takes a village is absolutely true!
(Oh and it’s absolutely ok to ask for help just so you can have fun)
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#7You more or less don't. Breathe deep, seek peace, and roll with the punches.
Especially in the early months:
- prioritize sleep.
- use your damn words with your partner.
- try real hard not to get angry. more than normal, act on the assumption that the other party isn't hostile, just at least as tired as you are. Everyone's going to be on edge; be gentle.
- remember that you more or less get a new kid every 48 hours. that sleeping trick that worked on monday won't work on wednesday _and this is not your fault this is a good sign of progress!_ After 6-8 months, you merely get a new kid every week! then every month...
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#8Read "What to Expect When You're Expecting", looked around at the baby store, maybe did a little research if I saw something interesting, talked to other new parents, talked to the OB, selected a pediatrician prior to the due date, went to a class recommended by the OB where they teach you how to swaddle and do some other basic tasks. It's pretty easy. You get ready really quickly because you don't have a choice. Don't forget people used to do this in caves and humanity made it this far so don't stress it. Enjoy this time because it's fun and it's over with way too fast.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#9Not sure where you're from but I enjoyed Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. It's all about French style parenting as she's an American raising her children in France. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594203334
Loved that book! I highly recommend it.
That said, nothing will prepare you for the reality. It’s like learning to swim in a lap pool, then getting dropped into the ocean in the middle of a storm.
Just learn as much as you can, talk to as many people as you can, and prepare yourself for the fact that you will not be prepared.
All good! Other than that, there’s nothing like a child saying “I love you too.” So, it’s all worth it once you get to it.
Congrats!
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#10- First aid for infants course: self explanatory.
- "Baby Bargains" book: does a fairly good job at creating a list of important data points to consider when purchasing a class of of baby products (strollers, car seats, etc.). You can then use it to optimize your purchase to your needs (price point and features).
- Babycenter website had a nice weekly email you could sign up for that describes the various milestones you could expect for your child.