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Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

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Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#1

Post by codesternews »

I am good at coding but while talking or doing some thing new I lack confidence.

So many times when I had to meet someone or talk to someone, I feel worthless and underconfident. I could not able to talk to them properly and hesitate.

For eg: I lack confidence while meeting other person like my director and even friends. I somehow feel them superior to me. I have very low self-esteem and confidence.

For every new oppurtunity or thing I want to try, I lack confidence and feel I am not good enough. I see my faults in everything.

Please give some advice.

Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#4

Post by martin_a »

It's a hard way and I've been struggling with this, too. I had depressions and a burn out and felt like I wasn't worth anything.

Took me quite some time to realize that I'm really good at some things and that people value me for that. Those things are not always work-related, but we often define our value or our self esteem by success at work.

I'm sure you're really good at something, too and people value you for that. Find out what it is, and use that confidence to grow in other areas. Think like "I can make people laugh, so I can handle phone calls with customers". Yeah, that's oversimplified, but this worked for me.

To be honest: I'm still struggling, but every day I feel a bit better and more self-confident. It isn't much when viewed on a daily basis, but looking back it's drastically different (and better) than two years ago.

Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#7

Post by threeseed »

rerpha wrote: post #6

exercise.

And try and exercise everyday.

It will make you feel better, look better, be more relaxed and you can always expand into social exercise activities.

Plus if you're working in IT you need to balance all of the sitting down.

Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#8

Post by jamesholden »

martin_a wrote: post #4

It's a hard way and I've been struggling with this, too. I had depressions and a burn out and felt like I wasn't worth anything. Took me quite some time to realize that I'm really good at some things and that people value me for that. Those things are not always work-related, but we often define our value or our self esteem by success at work. I'm sure you're really good at something, too and people value you for tha…

I have been trying to read Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. She discusses about how our self-worth is often tied to our abilities to do things.

Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#9

Post by jamesholden »

threeseed wrote: post #7
rerpha wrote: post #6

exercise.

And try and exercise everyday. It will make you feel better, look better, be more relaxed and you can always expand into social exercise activities. Plus if you're working in IT you need to balance all of the sitting down.

As someone struggling with this too, it's seriously the key.

No matter how I eat/sleep/schedule.. nothing seems to bring everything together in my life as having an exercise routine. It shouldn't be the cherry on top, it needs to be the glue that holds together.

Or maybe a better analogy: treat it like brushing your teeth. Sure it can be a chore, and something that needs to be done.. but you can't NOT do it without significant long term consequence to your health.

Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?

#10

Post by projectileboy »

There are no easy answers. All the answers in this thread are worth trying though. Walks and runs and bike rides help. So does meditation. Social interaction with people you trust (or if you don’t trust anyone, with people you don’t know very well).
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