Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#1

Post by 19032019_anon » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 9:19 PM UTC

Dear HN, Writing this post has been difficult for me. It has been months of procrastination before I’ve been able to put “pen to paper” on this.

tl;dr. I am suffering from what appears to be extreme burnout from programming/working at a startup. Half a year of “time off” has done little to repair me. I seek advice on how to get my life back on track and move forward.

I cut out of a ton of details in order to make this post as short as possible. Even so, it is a bit lengthy. It is about 4,000 characters, which is over the HN limit of 2,000. I have the full text pasted here. https://pastebin.com/0kx5jfrK It is a short read. Definitely under five minutes. Thank you for reading it.

Let me preemptively respond to some possible suggestions: 1) Exercise. I’ve been exercising daily and eating healthy for years now (well before X). That’s not my issue. 2) Travel. I have been traveling more with my time off, both international and domestic. While I enjoy it, it doesn’t seem to have changed much my outlook on my day-to-day life. 3) Therapy. I went to a therapist for a year or two while I was working at X. I don’t know how much it helped, if at all. It has been about a year since I’ve been back.

Thank you, HN.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#2

Post by insomniacity » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:27 PM UTC

Sorry to hear your story. I would encourage you to think about why therapy didn't help.

It can take a few tries to find a therapist that works for you. While you may feel safe talking to them, it still doesn't mean they're going to be able to help you in the way that you personally need.

I would look for a new therapist.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#3

Post by in15minutes » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:27 PM UTC

From what you write, you need to start your own company/product. Find something YOU really passionate about and something YOU want to work hard on.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#4

Post by wrestlerman » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:28 PM UTC

I don't know much how to help. I'm sorry. I have one idea though. Maybe find a temporary work in some other industry? Something new could spark a new passion? Even a job like a waiter/ress, taxi driver could bring a new look at life.

I think that interacting with other people could help. IT is very specific workplace, especially, startups, in my opinion.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#5

Post by throw3965 » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:29 PM UTC

Healthy mind in a healthy body. Eating well and exercising is not enough, you have to let your brain rest. Working crazy hours for long periods of time will affect your mental health more than your physical health.

Unfortunately I cannot give you more advice than what worked for me: taking long walks or going on hikes in nature. And switching jobs to work for a company that respects my free time.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#6

Post by realthing » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:29 PM UTC

1. What kind of exercise? There’s a big difference between a light gym workout and intense CrossFit or marathon running. You may need to push yourself a bit harder to get those natural juices in your brain flowing right again.

2. Travel - where do you travel? Have you taken the time to visit places that are a completely different culture than your own, or do you stay in your culture bubble?

3. Therapy- this point may be contreversial .. have you explored some of the more alternative forms of therapy such as psychedelic or drug assisted therapies like MDMA? While not entirely legal yet, they will certainly take your mind to dimensions that a conversation with a therapist simply cannot.

Finally - what exactly does the burnout mean ? That you’re unable to work ? Unable to sit down and write code ? Unable to learn something new? An approach here might be learning something new tech related to get absorbed find flow and regain that excitment again. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#7

Post by gtsteve » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:30 PM UTC

How is your sleep? I find that eating, exercising and sleeping are the base activities from which everything else follows. You mentioned the other two but not sleep.

You mentioned seeing a therapist, but have you taken your symptoms to a doctor? It is possible that your issues stem from a physical illness as opposed to a situation.

On the subject of practical advice, I suggest keeping a journal or diary of your moods and events of the day. I was able to use this to identify triggers that cause me to enter a depressive unproductive state so perhaps there is something that might help for you.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#8

Post by derp_dee_derp » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:32 PM UTC

Interesting read. It sounds like you lack a "mission" that your startup job provided, and just any old arbitrary mission can't replace it.

My advice would be to figure out what you want out of life: wife, kids, where would you live, what would you do, etc. And I don't mean look fir a new job I mean what do you want to dedicate your life to. Maybe religion, maybe service work, maybe cocaine and hookers. It's up to you.

Then, figure out a plan on what you need to do to achieve it.

You seem to believe that the point of working is the work itself, but the reality is that the point of working is to get money so you can fund your life.

Anyways, you are the only one who can answer what your life goals are and what you need to do to do them so be honest with yourself when your thinking about it

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#9

Post by throw3965 » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:38 PM UTC

throw3965 wrote: post #5

Healthy mind in a healthy body. Eating well and exercising is not enough, you have to let your brain rest. Working crazy hours for long periods of time will affect your mental health more than your physical health. Unfortunately I cannot give you more advice than what worked for me: taking long walks or going on hikes in nature. And switching jobs to work for a company that respects my free time.

A friend of mine who was also working at my previous workplace and also burned out took a job at the post office for a year. They didn’t understand why he was applying there with his qualifications. He told them he was sick of intellectual work and just wanted to move boxes from point A to point B all day long. He was hired. It may sound stupid but it helped him and he’s better now. I’m not saying you should take a silly job, but doing something simple that keeps you busy while putting your thoughts in order may help.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#10

Post by w4tson » Tue, Mar 19, 2019, 10:42 PM UTC

Therapy didn’t seem to work. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

If you have an Audible subscription there is “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: techniques for retraining your brain”

You can do it on your own but I think you’d benefit from an actual therapist as it sounds like you have some deep seated problems. (I know you said it didn’t work the first time)

There’s a great line at the beginning of the book where the author compares people to appliances. Appliances have instruction manuals, what to do when stuff goes wrong. Wouldn’t it be great if the same were true for us humans? There is no instruction manual. But the techniques in the book are a toolkit for different situations you may find yourself in. They’re meant to stay with you.

To me it sounds like you currently have an error code. You’re aware, and making some steps to address it but you don’t seem to have got any traction

I wish you all the best