Ask HN: How to overcome fear of flying?

A few years ago, on a short flight to NYC, the plane went through a sudden turbulence. It was strong enough to send 2 flight attendants to the floor. It probably lasted 10-20 seconds and, during those seconds I thought we were going to crash because I had never experienced turbulence that strong.

Since then, I started to develop fear of flying. Even though I have flown since then, each time it has made me more anxious. Now I actively avoid flying.

After some introspection, I realized that I'm more afraid of the moments preceding the crash than actually dying. This fear got worse after I had a daughter because now I also picture how the last moments would be if she was by my side on a falling plane.

Rationally, I do know how infrequent plane crashes are, and how driving is more dangerous, but at the end I convince myself that the best way to not die on a plane crash is to not get on a plane. Since flying is not required for work, and I've already seen most of the world, it's not hard to convince myself that I don't need to get on a plane.

The last few times I've flown, I used a mental trick to help me get through it. I read that the odds of a plane crash is 1 in 1.2 million, so I used a random number generator to generate a number between 1 and 1.2 million, and then tried to guess what that number was. That gave me some relief but didn't completely stop the bad thoughts.

How do I overcome my fear of flying?

1) Limit flying, of course. Find a job that doesn't require travel by plane. Keep family and friends in the same locale if possible.

2) Comfort yourself with statistics. Cars on fast roads with no barriers are pretty dangerous. There's a low chance that you will be one of the unlucky few hundred that die on a plane every year out of tens of millions of passengers.

3) Benadryl + sleep strategies. If I have a morning flight, I stay up all night before hand and then take 2-3 benadryl right before boarding. It takes about 40 minutes to work, and it hits like a truck.

4) Let go of things you can't control :) Hard one....

Some airlines will run a "get over your fear of flying" course.

Here are two, but there are others: https://www.britishairways.com/en-gb/information/travel-assi...

https://www.flyingwithoutfear.co.uk/

I don't have a cure for myself so I obviously don't have one for you, but here are some ideas:

1. Look at how many flights work out well https://flightaware.com/live/ there's something like a million people in the air at any given time. It's extremely unlikely that your plane will be the unlucky one. Take a screenshot and keep it on your phone.

2. Think through how horrible a crash would be and then just accept that you might die like this. You're going to die eventually and this is far from the worst way you could go. Your family will probably get well compensated which is a plus.

3. Sit in the stable parts of the plane, which I believe is towards the front and over the wing. The tail flexes which makes for much worse turbulence.

4. Consider drugging yourself. I can't do it but lots of people pop an anti-anxiety pill. Your doctor will probably give you some if you tell them you can't fly. It may completely solve the problem by altering your brain chemistry. Not a good idea if you're at risk of developing an addiction.

5. Fly on the high quality airlines with big planes. They don't want to lose those $500 million planes so they generally staff them with good pilots and do proper maintenance.

6. Don't fly when the weather is bad, just because it might feel scarier.

7. Try to avoid flying at night, just because it might feel scarier.

8. Watch pilot videos on youtube to see how incredibly stable modern airplanes are. These machines are incredibly fault tolerant and capable of recovering from severe problems in many cases. They're not flimsy or weak. They're really badass.

On a side note, the best way to overcome any fear is to face it, repeatedly. In my fight with flying fear, I forced myself to fly often and longer and longer distances. Secondly, you need to stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Fear is exacerbated by an endless stream of "what if" thoughts that can spiral out of control. I learned to practice mindfulness and stop these thoughts. It takes practice and patience, but you'll find how free you can be from fear when you learn to reject these thoughts.